Happy Wednesday, Folks!
We’re taking a quick breather from the blog tour today for our regularly-scheduled programming 🙂
Given the whirlwind of all that’s going on in this neck of the woods, though, I’m going to be uncharacteristically to the point!
I don’t think anyone will argue that the best way to begin the morning is with Something Chocolate, so let’s! 🙂
No-Bake Chocolate Mousse Cake
Recipe HERE at PlatedCravings
No-Bake Chocolate Mousse Cake is perfect for summer! No baking and the cake stays refrigerated for a nice, cool, chocolatey treat!
YUM!!!!! 🙂
Now then, (and just look how well I’m focusing on the job at hand and not wandering off on tangents! 🙂 ) onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Colleen who says, “I’m a 7th grade Math teacher (with a law degree and once-CPA), proud mother of three daughters – a Veterinarian, a First Lieutenant in the Air Force (CSO/EWO) and a Broadcast Journalist, and lifetime poet still pining to publish. Now that our three daughters are all graduated from college, it is, at last, time to pursue my dream of having my books in the hands of children.”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: If Only I Could Be A Cat
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)
The Pitch: “If only I could be a cat like our cat Daisy May!” So the narrator of the story thinks; it would be great to eat, sleep and play all day. Or would it? When she considers what she would be missing – like Mom and Dad’s hugs goodnight, she realizes it may not be so great after all. Follow along with the rhyme and the reasoning in If Only I Could Be a Cat.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Colleen improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in July, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Colleen is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to continuing the blog tour! Even though Publication Day was yesterday, rest assured that the fun and games continue! 🙂
For your convenience, here’s a handy list of the blog tour stops to date (with helpful links) 🙂
7/1/17 – Susanna Leonard Hill – Blog Tour Kickoff
7/2/17 – Lauri Fortinos’s Frog On A Blog – Guest Post on Writing A Series PLUS a Giveaway!
7/3/17 – Jena Benton’s Of Tea And Mermaids Blog – Simply 7 Interviews with Susanna & Daniel PLUS a Giveaway!
7/4/17 – Lynn Davidson’s Polilla Writes Blog – LION book review and GAME
7/5/17 – Susanna Leonard Hill – Fun With LION – reveal of LION ACTIVITY KIT and LION BOOK TRAILER
7/6/17 – Lynn Davidson’s Polilla Writes Blog – Interview with Susanna PLUS a Giveaway
7/7/17 – Vivian Kirkfield’s Picture Books Help Kids Soar – LION/ELEPHANT Reviews and Crafts PLUS a Giveaway
7/8/17 – Vivian Kirkfield’s Picture Books Help Kids Soar – Will Write For Cookies With Susanna – Picture Book Writing Inspiration
7/9/17 – Susanna Leonard Hill – Fun With ELEPHANT – reveal of ELEPHANT ACTIVITY KIT
7/10/17 – Julie Abery’s Little Red Story Shed – 3 Posts!
WHEN YOUR ELEPHANT HAS THE SNIFFLES Plus Preschool- Friendly Elephant Ears Recipe!
WHEN YOUR ELEPHANT HAS THE SNIFFLES Plus Preschool Art Activity!
WHEN YOUR LION NEEDS A BATH Plus Preschool-Friendly Lion Pancake Recipe!
7/11/17 – PUBLICATION DAY!!! – 2 Posts
Lynn Davidson’s Polilla Writes Blog – ELEPHANT Review Plus Elephant Tightrope GAME
ReFoReMo Post by Keila Dawson – Mentor Text Author Study Susanna Hill
I’d hate for you to miss any of the fabulous participating blogs so remember that if you comment on every post, you will earn yourself a chance toward the Special Prize Raffle at the end of the tour! (The goody bag and signed books described on the kickoff post.) And if you share this, or any related post, item, photo, etc. on Social Media with the #whenyourbooks, each share will add to your chances to win Special Prize #2 at the end of the tour! (3 $25 Amazon gift cards up for grabs!)
And be sure to tune in tomorrow for Lynn Davidson’s interview with Daniel Wiseman (illustrator of LION and ELEPHANT) Plus a Giveaway!, and on Friday we will be on the World-Famous Kidlit411 with an interview with yours truly in which you can learn something most people don’t know about me! 🙂
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
(And after all that blog tour talk, don’t forget to let Colleen know what you think of her pitch! 🙂 )
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I would definitely read this (under the covers with a flashlight, so my dog, Cupcake doesn’t see me). I would also read the sequel, If Only I Could Be a Dog. I like that you gave us a heads up that it rhymes. That’s helpful, for some reason. I’d like the pitch to have some language that’s more cat-specific in place of “eat, sleep, and play” and maybe more of a mention of what she’d miss if she were a cat. Good luck with this. And with the sequel…. 😊🐶
Ha ha! Thanks Genevieve! I won’t tell Cupcake. And the dog sequel would definitely be funny. I appreciate your suggestions and will see what I can do (while I am eating my no-bake chocolate cake!).
Susanna, I greatly appreciate you fitting me into your extremely busy schedule. I am so excited for your tour and for the children who get to read your books!
I would definitely read–it sounds like a fun, lighthearted animal/family story. I would play devil’s advocate and say that I don’t like the last sentence of the pitch. A lot of agent’s and editor’s say they’re less enthusiastic about rhyming ms and I’d want them to at least start to read it without that knee jerk reaction. And I wonder if you’re giving too much away? You tell us that MC realizes it may not be so great. Maybe give us examples (like the goodnight hug) that just whet the reader’s appetite to learn the outcome and phrase it that MC “wonders” if being a cat is the right choice for her, rather than saying she decided?
Hope this helps. Good luck!
Thanks Wendy! I see what you mean about not telling the it is rhyming. I will have to think about that one. This pitch stuff is hard. With picture books agents/editors get the full manuscript anyway, so is what we are doing trying to get them to read the second page? How would you word it instead?
I would definitely read this and all the sequels I am imagining…..If Only I Could Be a Dog, If Only I Could Be a Hamster, If Only I Could Be a Rabbit, If Only I Could Be a Hermit Crab. And
If Only I Could Be a Mom.
The teacher in me is also loving how many words you can teach that rhyme with C-A-T.
(And now I have spilled coffee while laughing at my own addition to your book, “If only I could be a cat, I would never have need for a hat.”
Ha ha! I love all these ideas of sequels, which would take the book in a different direction. And yes, there are a lot of words that rhyme with cat!! But I just read an article By Tara Luebbe that said agents don’t like predictable rhymes. They like to be surprised, but we are talking the youngest of readers, so I wonder just how complex can we get with our vocabulary???
YES! Who wouldn’t want to be a cat but then reminding us what we may have to give is a good story. I think the illustrations would be great too for this story. Wishing you success with it!
Hi Colleen,
I would definitely read this book. I agree that a few more “catlike” words as well as examples of what she would miss out on if she was a cat, would add to the pitch. I don’t think you need the last line. Otherwise it seems purr-fect!
Ha ha! Thanks Judy. The consensus seems to be to take the last line out, so I will heed the advice of the majority. I will also consider adding more cat-like words and examples of what she will be missing, but since the book is not that long to begin with, how much should I reveal?
I would read this Colleen, but wonder why you don’t name the narrator in the pitch. That threw me a bit. I agree with Wendy, too, that you don’t want to state that it’s a rhyming PB, so I’d delete the last sentence. Instead, you could give the reader a hint of your rhyming skills by integrating a few rhymes into the pitch itself. Congratulations on focusing on your writing now that the kids are grown. To your success!
Thank you! I love the idea of throwing a little rhyme in the pitch, so thank you! The narrator does not have a name in the book, so I did not give her a name in the pitch. I could just name her anyway, as someone suggested.
I have the same issue in a WIP; I ended up naming her eventually, but writing the pitch using first person POV.
It just sounded better than using her name?
Colleen,
This is a maybe for me based on the pitch alone. It needs more information. I like the idea of the story but I feel it has been done a few times recently though the titles escape my brain right now. What makes your story unique? What sets it apart from other stories with similar storylines? Not going by the rest of what you wrote after this I would say you need to include more. Such as why the narrator wants to be a cat, what happens if she doesn’t become one and what is the take away?
Now after reading the ‘summary’ of your book, I would definitely read it. My suggestion is to incorporate cat language and rhyme into the pitch somehow to show the flavor of the book and set the ‘hook’ to lure readers in.
The idea of a sequel is fantastic!
Good luck and keep writing. You have good bones for the story.
I think I am subscribed twice 🙂
Yours in Words and Pictures,
Lynne Marie http://www.LiterallyLynneMarie.com LiterallyLynneMarie@Gmail.com
Hedgehog Goes to Kindergarten, Scholastic, 2011 Hedgehog’s 100th Day of School, Scholastic, 2017 The Star of the Christmas Play, Sparkhouse, 2017 Moldilocks and the 3 Scares (Pending) Children’s Author Lynne Marie on FB
On Wed, Jul 12, 2017 at 3:01 AM, Susanna Leonard Hill wrote:
> Susanna Leonard Hill posted: “Happy Wednesday, Folks! We’re taking a quick > breather from the blog tour today for our regularly-scheduled programming > 🙂 Given the whirlwind of all that’s going on in this neck of the woods, > though, I’m going to be uncharacteristically to the point! I” >
So thrilled to be part of your amazing blog tour, Susanna! And also thankful for the yummy virtual chocolate you have provided.
Colleen, I like your premise. I agree with the others that the last line about it being a rhyming book isn’t necessary.
The Pitch: MC wishes she could play and eat and sleep all day like her cat, Daisy May. But when she considers what she would be missing – like Mom’s stories and Dad’s hugs, she begins to realize it might not be so great after all.