Happy Would You Read It Wednesday, Everyone!
Do you know what day it is?
It is George R.R. Martin’s birthday! (I believe he’s 69.) Although I have yet to watch the HBO series, I am a fan of the whole Song of Ice and Fire and have read all the books published so far. So, speaking of Would You Read It, would you (or have you) read A Game of Thrones and its sequels? In my opinion, that is some good story-telling! (Except the 4th book… that one was a little slow and tough to get through…) I don’t envy George R.R. though, having to produce books 6 and 7! Talk about pressure! Yikes! The very idea makes me feel lightheaded! Luckily there’s a remedy for that… 🙂 (Which doubles as a celebratory confection we can honor George’s birthday with! 🙂 )
Since tomorrow is technically the first day of Autumn, and in my neck of the woods that seems to mean that Every Single Thing we eat for the next 8 weeks should involve pumpkin 🙂 how about Something Chocolate along the lines of Death By Chocolate Pumpkin Cake Bread?!
Death By Chocolate Pumpkin Bread
Recipe HERE at theviewfromgreatisland
Oops! Careful! Don’t drool on your keyboard! 🙂
I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that this recipe is technically a “bread” not a “cake” and involves healthful vegetables (pumpkin and the nutritious cocoa bean! 🙂 ) and therefore qualifies as a Healthy Breakfast! So help yourselves to seconds… or thirds… think of all the vitamin A in there! 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Leonie who says, “Writing is my fun, I love putting pen to paper and watching a story unfold. I just know you’ll love my stories too! I live in Melbourne, Australia and work for a big company during the day and write early in the morning or late into the night. My husband, 3 daughters and I live in a Bayside community with our pooch, Jade – a German Short-haired Pointer. My love of reading started when I was a young girl and continued into my first job as a librarian. I now spend as much time as I can, reading and writing fiction.”
Find her on the web at
Twitter: @leonie_hearn
FB: Leonie Hearn Author
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: I’m Hungry Mummy
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 2-6)
The Pitch: I’m hungry, but so is Mommy… She pretends to ‘eat you all up’, but there are some problems I make her overcome first!
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Leonie improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in October, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Leonie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to going to Texas this weekend for the North Texas SCBWI Conference! Anyone going? Tell me in the comments and we’ll try to meet up! 🙂
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
If only all healthy food looked that good! Lol.
Leonie, although I’m sure I would read your book, I would love to know a little bit more about the story – maybe giving the reader more of a hint about what you mean by “eating her all up” and perhaps mentioning some of the problems encountered. Also, who is the “I”(in the I make her encounter) since I’m thinking the “she” is the mom.
Good luck!
You just have to pick the right healthy food, Colleen 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Leonie!
Oh Susanna, now don’t you cry for me. You’ve given me something scrumptious and gooey and chocolatey! When our current heat wave breaks, I will be baking this delightful treat you’ve showcased this week!
Leonie, I am giving you a ‘almost yes’. I am intrigued enough to think about reading it but to make me put it on my mustread list, I would like to know what kind of ‘problems’ you mention. Are the problems related to the child’s hunger or to the mommy preparing food, etc. Clarifying the problems will cement the pitch. This is a cute story idea, definitely a keeper to continue working on. 🙂
Yeah… this recipe might not be the best one for a heat wave. I should have posted a chocolate sundae for you, Traci! 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Leonie!
I really like the concept – it’s fresh and marketable – kids love mummies and food. I feel you have more real estate to flesh the story out and give us more details. Perhaps name one obstacle that must be overcome. Personally, I’d call her “mummy” in the pitch as you did in the title. Another thing to ponder is this – who is the MC? With this pitch, I’m not sure if it’s the narrator who is not named or Mummy. Usually in a PB, the main character is the child or child stand-in. Good luck with this, Leonie.
Thank you for sharing your helpful thoughts with Leonie, Kathy!
Mmmm…that pumpkin bread-not-cake cake looks delightful!! I’ll have to give it a try, too…
Leonie, I like the concept of your book, it sounds fun, so, yes, I would read it. I agree with Kathy about calling Mommy “Mummy,” in your pitch. I also wonder if your book is written in first person. From what I understand, first person for that young of an age group might be questioned. I also wondered at first if this was a mummy as in wrapped in clothes in a tomb mummy, but I know, too, in Australia, children call their mothers Mummy sometimes. Not sure if that has to be clarified or not in your pitch.
Hope that helps and if anything I said doesn’t resonate, follow your instincts. Happy Wednesday 🙂
Let me know when you try it out, Rene… maybe I’ll feel like taking Princess Blue Kitty for a drive… 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughts for Leonie!
Will do, Susanna! Would love Princess Blue Kitty to have a road trip and deliver you to my door! So would Georgia 🙂
Susanna, fall starts already??? Thanks for the reminder to stock up for the cool temps that will be here soon. Think I’ll start with some of that healthy “bread” of yours!
Leonie, mummy + eating is a winning combination, but I agree with earlier comments that we need some clues about the problems & clarifying who the MC is.
I look forward to learning more details!
I know, it’s a little bit nuts, isn’t it Patricia? I’m not sure about where you are, but at my house it feels like summer but is starting to look like fall! Thanks so much for your thoughts for Leonie!
I am intrigued with mommy pretending to eat you up. But as the others have already pointed out, there are holes in the info you share. I am not sure what I can expect in this story. The “who” is vague and a hint of why would help. I would love to be kept abreast of your revision. It is a yes for me.
Thanks for chiming in with your helpful thoughts for Leonie, Pam!
The chocolate pumpkin recipe distracted me. Wow! I’ll make the bread this weekend.
As for for the pitch, I would read it. I agree with the other comments about, what is the problem she must solve? But I like the fact that it is the child that will probably resolve it. So do give us an idea as to what the problem is and get us hooked.
It looks delicious, doesn’t it Eleanor? I’m not entirely sure about the idea of chocolate and pumpkin… it might be best to just leave the pumpkin out… 🙂 Who can tell? 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing your reaction to Leonie’s pitch!
Also, Leonie, you may want to look at PEANUT BUTTER AND BRAINS by Joe McGee for a comp title.
Susanna, I’m already “falling” for that delicious chocolate pumpkin bread!
Leonie,
I’m curious about your story. Wondering about the “Mummy” in the title but “Mommy” in the pitch. And the reference to mommy ‘pretending to eat you all up.’ Hmmm…is this a scary story about mummies? I guess I’ll need to know a little more about the problems that the MC is talking about. Good luck!
Hahaha, Judy! 🙂 Such the punster 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with Leonie!
I know what I’ll be baking this weekend. Thanks Susanna. =)
I would read this. I don’t have much new to add that other’s haven’t. They have given you great advice. I look forward to the revised pitch.
Let me know how it comes out, Greg 🙂 No baking for me this weekend… I’m going to Texas! Thanks so much for chiming in for Leonie!
Oh, that bread is to die for, right? I had to check out the recipe. Am going to see if it works as a gluten free bread….if not, I may try to modify a flourless chocolate cake recipe I have to include pumpkin. I’m going to make this work!
Now, about the pitch. I think everyone has covered all of the things I would say. I need more specifics about “problems.” I’m wondering about a mummy “eating” a mummy, so that intrigues me. It could be quite funny. And I really want to hear the voice remain consistent in the pitch. It’s a young, cute voice that then starts sounding very adult when it starts talking about overcoming problems. Good luck!
Yum, yum, yum…I’m loving the treat you gave us, Susanna. And I guess Leonie’s characters are going yum, yum as well. 🙂
Leonie…I’m loving a story about a kid whose mummy is a mummy…you’ve gotten some really great feedback already in the comments above. I’d encourage you to make sure your story is more about the child than the mummy. 😉