I’ve been thinking…
Wouldn’t it be great if Would You Read It Wednesday had a theme song?
Something catchy, like The Beverly Hillbillies tune?
Then we could all start our Wednesday mornings singing together!
I’m sure it would bring about great changes for good in the world 🙂
So if anyone is inspired, feel free to make suggestions in the comments – video auditions welcome 🙂
Meanwhile, now that it’s February, it’s time to announce the winner of the October Pitch Pick! (We are right on schedule around here! 🙂 )
The winner of the October Pitch Pick was Ciara with her PB pitch for Drop The Dragon! Congratulations on a fabulous pitch, Ciara! It is on it’s way to editor Erin Molta for her thoughts!
And congratulations also to our other brave pitchers who stepped up and shared their work for all of us to learn from and who hopefully feel they gained from the experience even if they don’t get to have Erin critique their pitches. You are all amazing!
Onward to the November/December Pitch Pick!
Please read through the following pitches, revised on the basis of your helpful feedback, and choose the one you feel is best and most deserving of a read and critique by editor Erin Molta! Vote for your choice in the poll below by Sunday February 10 at 5 PM Eastern.
#1 – Ciara – Flamingo Hugs Aren’t For Everyone (PB ages 4-11)
Flamingo hugs aren’t for everyone.
But Flaminga is willing to try anything to win the admiration of zoo patrons from daring disguises, delightful dances, to gifts of guppies. Her clumsiness may set her plans afoul, but it is also becomes the key to achieving her dreams.
#2 – Mary – The Mouse Of Rocktown Museum (PB ages 3-7)
Parker Higgins adores his museum home until he comes face-to-face with a new security guard, who is decidedly not mouse-friendly. After close calls with a broom, mousetraps, and a hungry cat, Parker launches an ingenious plan to protect the life he loves.
#3 – Sarah – Hive To Move (PB ages 4-8)
Betsie and Leelee’s hive has outgrown its home. The bees swarm, which is explained in the back matter. Betsie, a scout, must find a new home before her sisters are disturbed by the pesky humans. When a bee wrangler is summoned, Leelee encourages Betsie to search faster. This fictitious story is based on Thomas Seeley’s HONEYBEE DEMOCRACY.
#4 – Lily – Ana and Puto – Hungry In The Hills Of Hercegovina (PB ages 4-8) Creative nonfiction (based on my aunt’s true story)
Ana wants to relieve her hunger but it is a struggle in her poor village in the hills of Hercegovina, Yugoslavia in 1956. Puto, her dog, chases foxes and wolves away from the family’s herd of sheep. When Ana and Puto face a hungry vulture and their lives are threatened, she braves the battle with her shepherd’s staff and the bark of her courageous dog. She discovers that being grateful ‘for not just every morsel we receive but for every breath we are given’.
I think a little pick-me-up is in order after all that voting, don’t you? How about Something Chocolate? Continuing our Valentine theme, I’m thinking Red Velvet Brownies With White Chocolate Icing (because red velvet is technically chocolate, red and white are very Valentiny, and if you put the two weaker sisters of the chocolate family together (red velvet and white chocolate) they equal actual chocolate 🙂 )
Red Velvet Brownies With White Chocolate Icing
Ooh la la! Pretty AND delicious! 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Amitha who says, “This is my first book, and I truly enjoy writing. I am a high school student with a passion to learn. In my free time, most can find me reading a book, playing with my dog, or writing more stories! Apart from writing, I enjoy being with animals or reading on a rainy day. Much like my character, I am an introvert and love staying inside and learning new things. However, the times where I interact socially is at the mall or library looking for cute plushies to satisfy my inner child. Speaking of which, I also like to help children learn more about reading, and I set up a reading program for young children for a full year back in my previous primary school.”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: The Genchi War
Age/Genre: Early YA
The Pitch: A girl (Amethyst Capricorn) who’s never fit in, finally finds others like her but must fulfill an ancient prophecy to save her new world, and her hostage family.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Amitha improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in March, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Amitha is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to sharing my new classroom guides with anyone who might be interested! Check out the appropriately named Classroom Guides page of my website to see the beautiful Guides By Deb created for WHEN YOUR LION NEEDS A BATH, WHEN YOUR ELEPHANT HAS THE SNIFFLES, WHEN YOUR LLAMA NEEDS A HAIRCUT, and WHEN YOUR MONKEYS WON’T GO TTO BED!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
P.S. How is your Valentiny Contest entry coming along??? Check the page for updated prizes!
19 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #312 – The Genchi War (YA) PLUS The October Pitch Winner AND The November/December Pitch Pick!”
Amitha, I think I would enjoy this story. If your pitch had a small hint as to what makes Amethyst different so that she doesn’t fit in, perhaps that would add just enough to be even more appealing. (example of what I mean … who’s never fit in with her mind reading ability … )
I look forward to reading this book.
Hi Lynn, thank you so much for the feedback! I’ll be sure to incorporate it when I editing my pitch. Once again, thank you so much, your advice really helped!
The MC’s name certainly is attention-getting (I see an anime-type cover, perhaps). The pitch is concise, logical, and hints at very high stakes, yet it’s too brief so I’d probably not read it – yet. What makes her different and then fit in? What kind of prophecy? How is it connected to Amethyst? What happened to the old world? Wait, now there are hostages, too? Try adding precise phrases (2-3 words) in your existing sentences to answer questions like those I’ve suggested. This may lead to splitting into a few more sentences (which you have room to do).
I agree with Katie. A little more on why she is different and how her family got captured would help. Good luck with this. =)
Thank you for pitching in Gregory E Bray! Amethyst was different due to her having magical abilities from her childhood, and her family was captured after a government organization find this out about her. I’ll be sure to add this in, thank you very much for your insight!
Hi Katie, thank you for the feedback. I love the anime suggestion for the cover, I haven’t really thought about it, so it’s nice to hear what others think it should look like. I’ll add in your other pieces of advice, such as Amethyst’s magic abilities making her different. Once again, thank you so much for the advice, I can’t wait to edit my pitch with it! 🙂
Good morning Amitha. The story sounds very interesting, but for me, I think I am a maybe.
Your pitch is short and concise, maybe a little to much so. I can hear your voice in it, but I want more.
I think you should start your pitch with the girl’s name. It is not necessary to identify her with that if you say “her” later. I also want to know why she doesn’t fit in and where is she. Add some setting details which sound important, especially in a high fantasy. I would also like to know what makes this YA. Is it merely her age, or are there other components of YA involved? Why is her family endangered? Who has them?
One final note, the word hostage is being used as a adjective, but it is a noun. Rewording the closing to “and her family held hostage” would easily resolve this issue.
Good luck with the book! I hope you write many more.
Amitha, I would read it and I want a little extra information…like what do you mean by others like her?
Hi Sarahheturadny! Thank you for saying you would read my book! By others like her, I meant that Amethyst Capricorn found other people with abilities. I’ll add that in when tweaking my pitch with all the new helpful advice I’m receiving, just like your comment. Once again, thank you so much!
You’re welcome and good luck!
I like the idea of your book. The feedback you received so far would help fill in the gaps and make me more excited to read the book. Sounds like there is A LOT happening in the story, so give us a few hints. more hints and clues about the story. I think you could start with Amethyst Capricorn . . . And skip The girl. Then tell us why she doesn’t fit in. She’s shy, she has a secret special power, she walks on her hands in a handstand all the time, what ever that uniqueness is. And go from there.
Good luck a
Susanna, he first idea that came to my plageristic mind for a song was “Do you know what day it is?” Sorry Geico, but it is Hump Day. LOL. Also not a song, but sticks in your brain like one.
I am a maybe, mostly for the reason’s mentioned above. Start with the mc’s name and then add a bit more detail to show how/why she doesn’t fit in, why she wants to, why her family is being held hostage, and what will happen if she can’t save the new world? You have a great start and with a little more detail, I would definitely read this!
I’m a no, unfortunately. It’s too general for me and didn’t give me a feel of the genre or themes. I think with more specifics it will be really great.
Here’s my analysis
A girl (Amethyst Capricorn) (I wouldn’t put her name as it doesn’t tell us anything about her. But I’d like more info. How old is she, what kind of girl?)
who’s never fit in, (why has she never fit in? Fit in where?)
finally finds others like her (how? Why is this important? Was she unhappy before finding them?)
but (why but? Does she have to leave the people like her to do this?)
must fulfill an ancient prophecy to save her new world, (make this more specific – what kind of ancient prophecy? Why is she the person to fulfil it? What will happen to the world if she doesn’t?)
and her hostage family (who’s holding them hostage? What will happen to them if she doesn’t fulfil the prophecy?)
Thank you so much for your thought-provoking analysis. I’m sure Amitha will find it helpful.
I love a strong female, Amitha! What I wondered after reading is–how are the new people she finds “like her”? And perhaps a bit more about the ancient prophecy to let us know whether it’s easy to fulfill or something BIG! Give us a feeling for how big the obstacle to her success is. Good luck!
Amitha, you’ve intrigued me, but I’d like to know more about Amethyst, how has she never “fit in”, what & where the “new world” is, and why Amethyst is there, and a clue or two about her family being “held hostage”. Finally, the title holds promise of an action-packed fantasy, but I’m not sure what (or where?) Genchi is and why there’s a war. I think if you expand your pitch to provide a few more clues about some or all of these unknowns, you’ll show your readers why they want to read Amethyst’s adventures. I look forward to reading your revised pitch and Amethyst’s story!
I concur with the previous thoughts, more info is needed. However, you did give me enough to pique my curiosity…I really want to know what Genchi is and why Amyethyst is different. I am also curious about the ancient prophecy and her new world. I hope I get to find out! Best wishes!
I have always been a sucker for characters who don’t fit in. So I’m a yes. And the fact that you’re in high school and willing to put your work out there. You go girl! I wish I was as brave as you when I was your age! (Which wasn’t that long ago… really…)
Anywho, I agree with other commenters. I want to know more! Tell me, tell me, tell me! Why doesn’t she fit in? Who’s holding her family hostage? What does the prophecy say?
Best of luck!
Susanna, I think I have gained weight since reading your blog. Those brownies look delightful and fattening! I may have to go make them to celebrate my October pitch. Thanks for the opportunity!!!!
I am impressed that a high schooler is already writing seriously enough to read writing blogs. I usually don’t read fantasy books. Having said that, your pitch has not enticed me to read your book yet. Does the reader need to know whether the story is set in the distant past or future? You have set up conflicts already. I’d like your book to be the first YA fantasy that I read.