Would You Read It Wednesday #357 – Sonny’s Smile (PB) PLUS The November/ December/January Pitch Winners And The Late February/March Pitch Pick

Hi Everyone!

I hope you’re all doing well – staying healthy and not going too nuts being cooped up at home!

Here’s a little taste of the outdoors for those of you who might need it – blue sky, sunshine, babbling brook, spring peepers. . . and swimming dog which luckily you can’t smell 😊

 

Now then!  Let’s get on to today’s exciting installment of Would You Read It and associated education and fun!

First, I’m happy to announce that the winner of the November/December Pitch Pick is Megan with her PB pitch for Wired To Worry!  And the winner of the January/Early February Pitch Pick is Paul with his PB pitch for All Over The World!  Congratulations to both of you on excellent pitches that you worked hard to revise and improve!  Your pitches have winged through cyber space to editor Erin Molta’s inbox and I’m sure you will receive her comments as soon as she is able!

Congratulations to all the other pitchers as well.  You also did a wonderful job revising your pitches and hopefully feel that you’re in better shape with them thanks to the feedback from our amazingly helpful readers!  Thank you all for sharing with us so we can all learn and improve our pitch skills!

Next, it’s time for the Late February/March Pitch Pick!  Please read over the revised pitches below and vote for your favorite in the poll provided by Sunday April 12 at 9 PM Eastern.

Here are the pitches for your consideration:
(one pitcher opted not to put her pitch in the running)

#1 – Sarah – Hotdogs Don’t Camp (PB 3-8)

Young hotdogs ignore their elder and toss off their buns to try pitching tents, swimming, and roasting dinner. The humans stoke their fire pit near the hungry bears’ lair. Three campsites collide as dinnertime nears for some in-tents adventure.

#2 – Rose – Rabbit’s Lists (PB 4-8)

Rabbit’s whiskers are in a tizzy. She doesn’t have the vegetables needed for her special stew. Oodles of acorns and clumps of clover just won’t do. Determined to please her friends, Rabbit searches and digs until she finally discovers the delight in trying something new

#3 – Paulette – What Would Mozart Do? (PB 5-9)

Parker practiced hard for his piano recital but he’s nervous about performing. When a barking-dog ringtone in the audience scares the notes right out of Parker’s brain, he has to find a way to calm down and keep playing. Time to use a tip from an improviser named Mozart (and his singing starling).

 

#4 – Shae – Skritch, Scratch, Snuffle (PB 3-8)

Waffles, an anxious wombat, has trouble keeping her fears to a manageable size. She hears a noise and imagines a “what-if” monster which grows as her imagination runs wild. She’s certain she’s going to be eaten, until her echidna friend, Chicken, appears at her door and together they find the true source of the noise and overcome the monster by talking about Waffles feelings.

 

 

And now you can have your well-earned reward – Something Chocolate! I thought these Raspberry Cheesecake Truffles would be delicious and also maybe make a nice Easter treat for this weekend because they look festive and pretty!

Raspberry Cheesecake Truffles

 

I think we can all agree that nothing says I’ve got this quarantine thing down! like something chocolate-y and scrumptious 😊  And given that many of us are going for a schedule which looks something like

First Breakfast
Post-First Breakfast Snack #1
Post-First Breakfast Snack #2
Pre-Second Breakfast Snack
Second Breakfast
Post-Second Breakfast Snack
Lunch
Post-Lunch Snacks #s 1-7
etc…

it is important to be well supplied with chocolate! 😊😊😊

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Deborah.  Deborah Foster grew up in the heyday of Disney Princess movies. She was born and has lived all her life on a farm in Iowa. Deborah’s love of storytelling began when she was very young and in sixth grade one of her Christmas stories won the Holiday Writing Contest. Her writing continued through high school in the form of angsty poetry. But with the birth of her first daughter, her love of writing took hold in the form of picture books. She is now a mother to two little girls and the author of three self-published picture books. Deborah’s picture books focus on humor and biographies of lesser-known women.

Find her on the web at
deborahclaytonbooks.com

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Sonny’s Smile

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)

The Pitch: When Sonny Brightwell is invited to The Gleeful Gala to receive the “Biggest Smile on Earth Award”, he finds that the only place in town to stay is at The Prickly Inn; where smiles aren’t allowed. Being around all of the frowning guests causes Sonny’s smile to droop to the floor and now he must figure out how to get it back in time to receive his award.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Deborah improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in May, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!

Deborah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to practicing Zoom because tomorrow I have a Zoom meeting with a large group of preschoolers. . . which I’m a little worried may be like herding cats😊. . . but here’s hoping it will all work out!!!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone, and stay well!!! 😊🌷🌸

 

13 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #357 – Sonny’s Smile (PB) PLUS The November/ December/January Pitch Winners And The Late February/March Pitch Pick

  1. matthewlasley says:

    I will say yes on this. I think it has all the points that makes me know enough and want to know more. I love that he is “Sonny” and there is the “Prickly Inn”, both add to the character and setting.

    My only piece of advice is that the first sentence is very long. You cram a lot in there. I kind of got lost and had to read it more than once. Maybe rework the first part of “why” and make a new sentence with the problem.

    Sonny…voted best smile in the _____. He arrives early for the Gleeful Gala and the only place to stay is the Prickly Inn; where smiles are not allowed.

    Best of luck to your story and embrace the many rejections. I know I have started a new wall of tally marks for mine! LOL

  2. palpbkids says:

    HI Deborah,

    This is grand! Your pitch concisely sets up the problem, making everyone want to read the story.
    Great job!
    Can’t wait to read it when, not if!, it’s published!!

    Cheers, PALPBKIDS

  3. Katie Engen says:

    This pitch is so clean and engaging. The only thing that struck me as a bit less creative than all the rest is the title of the award. I think it’s because there are some nice and also subtle puns with the other proper nouns and I wanted more of that for the award.

  4. Kim Larson says:

    Yes, I would love to read your story! It told me what I needed to know to read more. I think Katie’s suggestion is great, as is Matthews. Fun concept. Best wishes!

  5. ptnozell says:

    I feel lucky to have read the manuscript, Deborah, and I agree with the others that this is a strong pitch! So happy to see you’re getting such positive feedback on this smile-sparking story!

  6. rosecappelli says:

    Hi Deborah. Yes, I would read this. I want to find out why there is a Prickly Inn in a town that is giving a best smile award at a Gleeful Gala. The puns are engaging and there is the promise of an interesting conflict on top of the more obvious problem. Good luck!

  7. Paul Rondema says:

    Two things:
    1.) Yes, I would read this. My one recommendation is a caution about the number of times “the” appears in the first sentence. We read about “The” Gleeful Gala, “the” Biggest Smile… and “The” Prickly Inn.
    2.) Thank you to all of you who helped me revise my pitch for All Over The World. Because of your comments and suggestions, the pitch became infinitely better. Thank you.

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