Seasons Greetings, my friends!
I think I can say that now that Thanksgiving is over and it’s December 😊❄️🎄
At some point in the not-too-distant future, I’m going to plug in all my holiday lights and see how many bulbs need replacing – always a fun job – which promises to be even more fun with Violet’s help! (Apparently there is no dog-tangled-in-Christmas-lights emoji, but there should be! 😊)
Since we’re embracing the Holiday Spirit, for today’s Something Chocolate let’s have some Candy Cane Pie! Doesn’t that sound delicious? And festive?!
Look at that chocolate-y crust, the little chocolate chips, and that lovely chocolate drizzle! Yum! And so pretty with the candy canes sprinkled in! I know I don’t even need to remind you of the health benefits of eating vegetables for breakfast (peppermint is a leafy green, and chocolate is a bean!) 😊
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sarah. Sarah Tobias is a, writer, artist, master naturalist, and retired librarian. She loves rescuing worms from puddles, has a collection of dead insects, and found bones. She would rather be outside than inside even on a bad weather day. She discovered on the playground during recess, that the kids at school couldn’t remember if worms had eyes, she thought she should clear things up.
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: My Antler Is Missing
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: “MY ANTLER IS MISSING” Moose cries when he wakes and scratches his head. A mystery is afoot. Moose and his bestie Mouse head off on an adventure discovering clues and track prints. They romp through the winter forest chasing down possible thieves as they search for Moose’s missing antler.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sarah improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in January, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Sarah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to untangling miles of Christmas lights – so sparkly! 😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Hello Sarah, What a wonderful storyline! The only suggestion I have for your delightful pitch is to reword cries and scratches. I would think Moose would scratch his head first and then cry once he discovers the antler is missing.
“MY ANTLER IS MISSING” Moose cries when he wakes and scratches his head.
Can’t wait to see this story!
Cheers.
Thank you for helping set my timeline straight. One of those, Doh! moments.
Sarah, I love the idea of a mystery set in the wintry woods. I’d suggest giving a few ideas about the clues, but otherwise, you sold me on this story!
Susanna, have fun stringing those lights with Violet’s “help”.
Thanks.
Cute! Love the mystery-PB mash up. Even though the title says a lot, I think I’d swap the ‘mystery afoot’ sentence to one more detail about Moose’s initial discovery (in a phrase that’s not repeating the title verbatim). More picky thoughts: ‘head off’ is a bit neutral. Are there other verbs to convey their mood? Are they sneaking around (worried), storming ahead (mad), jogging & jostling each other (excited), or walking in circles (confused)?
Thanks. Food for thought. Need to think about how to rephrase things.
What a fun premise! And I love mysteries. You sold me. Great suggestions by others already. Best wishes!
Thank you!
Yes, I’d read it! I’d love to see cute illustrations of moose and mouse and read about their romp through the winter forest. Good luck, Sarah! Thanks for the post and delicious-looking pie recipe, Susanna!
Thank you!
I would read this
I could pose for the dog-tangled-in-lights-emoji. Getting tangled in lights (and garland and ribbons) is my holiday hobby. I am a good helper – like Violet!
Love and licks,
Cupcake
Yes, I would definitely read this. I think your pitch could be stronger with a few hints about the clues, who the suspects are, or what obstacles they face – something to give a flavor of the type of language used. You could probably take out the phrase “as they search for Moose’s missing antler” since we know that. This sounds like it has great illustration potential, too. Good luck!
I would read it! My three year old grandson loves animal adventures.Try adding a little hint of their obstacles in your pitch. Good luck.
I would read this PB! The pitch provides just enough information to make you want to discover what awaits the two friends as they set out to search for the missing antler! : )
Yes, I’d read it! The title alone made me click on the blog post today. I agree with some of the suggestions, though – tighten the pitch, maybe a few more hints on the clues, maybe delete “wakes and” (we just need to know “MY ANTLER IS MISSING” Moose cries when he scratches his head.)