So. . . I had this great plan that I was going to start catching up on last year’s pitch picks, but the pitchers turned out to be not quite ready.
No worries! Gives us something to look forward to next week 😊
And all the more time to dig into Something Chocolate this week! I’m thinking German Chocolate Cheesecake because. . . why not?!
German Chocolate Cheesecake
Doesn’t that look delicious?! And I know you can appreciate all the calcium, protein, and vegetable of the cocoa bean therein! 😊
Also, it’s a good day for cake because it’s Scouty’s birthday (not that she can have German Chocolate Cheesecake, but there will be a little plain yellow cupcake for her later – it’s not everyday you turn 14!)
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sarah whom you will remember from last month with her pitch for My Antler Is Missing. Sarah grew up on the shores of Lake Michigan. She loves rocks and has collected many. She loves the Kindness Rocks project and leaves rock treasures for others to find on beaches, trails, and in neighbor’s trees.
Find her on the web at:
sarahatobias.com
Twitter: @peacefulheart63
Insta: @sarahpeaceandsmile
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Kindness Rocks
Age/Genre: Graphic Novel (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Even Kindness Rocks have their struggles. After Crin wakes up on the wrong side of the bedrock, his day feels like it’s going from bad to worse until his best friend Iggy arrives with a little gift. With the day turned around, Crin and Iggy plunge into the water for a swim and rock and roll into the evening as summer vacation begins.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sarah improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in February, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Sarah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to Scouty’s birthday cake! 😊 (which I have to go bake 😊)
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Yes! I love the puns and concept.
At the same time, perhaps you could hint at the other adventures to come as they rock and roll?
Thank you Talara.
Thanks for chiming in for Sarah, Talara! Very helpful!
Happy birthday, Scouty! It certainly isn’t everyday that such a wonderful pup reaches the 14 year milestone!
Sarah, your pitch intrigues me. I especially like the notion that something that generally helps others can experience troubles, too. Although I like the inclusion of terms like rock and roll, I’m not sure if that last sentence adds much to the pitch. I’m also confused about the graphic “novel” designation for the picture book age group.
I hope these comments help as you revise this!
Thanks for your feedback. As a side note, there are tons of graphic novels for young and emerging readers today. Some examples include, Narwhal and Jelly by Ben Clanton, Arlo & Pips by Elise Gravel, and Bunbun &Bonbon by Jess Keating. The list goes on.
That is very interesting to know, Sarah! Graphic novels are an area I am undereducated about and I look forward to checking out some of those titles!
Thank you, Patricia! She is the best best dog in the whole wide world! And thanks for your thoughtful comments for Sarah. I am interested in the GN designation as well and look forward to her response!
Good Morning and Happy Birthday to Scouty!
I love the idea of using painted rocks to send messages and spread joy. I did a school wide rock painting party to go with the book Only One You by Linda Kranz. All 900+ students painted a rock to reflect who they are and I arranged them around the school water feature. Looks amazing.
Your pitch would is a Maybe simply because I feel like I don’t have enough to go on as to why Crin woke up that way or how his day is going bad to worse. Good luck and keep going.
Thanks for your feedback.
Thank you for the birthday wishes, Nadine, and for your helpful thoughts for Sarah! And what a cool project – that must have been amazing!
This sounds like a very interesting premise, so yes, I would like to read it, but I’m a bit confused about your pitch. It’s not clear to me if your characters are rocks, or people. Is it a present day setting, the cave-man time? Since you call it a graphic novel, is this a wordless book? Good luck as you continue to work on this!
Thank you for your feedback.
Interesting and excellent questions, Rose! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with Sarah!
I like the implied setting. A few more details to confirm it’s prehistoric kids (yes? or anthropomorphized rocks?) would be good. Also needs more detail on Crin’s actual problem as well as the gift/solution. What is unique to these characters and/or setting? The themes of friendship and looking for the good stuff are evident. The structure of “swim and rock and roll” is awkward. The specificity of summer vacation (actually a good detail) in the last line seems a bit out of order. Why does this timing matter to the story? Since this is a graphic novel I’d like a hint of the tone, too. Is it more comic book hero? anime-ish? dark a la Sandman? or light/bright & very young like Dork Diaries?
Thanks Katie.
I am most definitely struggling with what exactly to put in my pitch. I was recently given feedback from an agent not to include that it is multiple chapters (actually three stories) and not to make comparisons to other books as it takes up too much property in a short pitch. But to answer your question, it is more in the Narwhal and Jelly or Arlo & Pips vein of graphic novels.
Feedback from agents and editors is great, but it can be hard when it’s contradictory or conflicting!
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback for Sarah, Katie! Lots of good things to consider!
Hi, Sarah–I’m a yes because I am here for the puns and fun, clever wordplay. Great job on their names! Also, I’d think most children are familiar with Kindness Rocks and could easily relate to this story. I’m not sure about the last line as it didn’t feel as tight as the rest of the pitch, and wonder if it opens up too many avenues for the story to go (or–I should say roll, lol)
Thanks for your feedback.
Thank you for your positive response to Sarah’s pitch, Candice! There is much to like!
Happy Birthday Scouty! Hope you cupcake is a sweet as your mama.
Scouty says thank you, Sarah! 😊❤️ And the cupcake has grown to a square cake so me and Violet and my parents who are all quarantining together can have some too 😊 Yellow cake, vanilla icing, tiny pieces just to celebrate – YUM! 😊
The perfect way to celebrate a Quarantined birthday.
Happy Birthday, Scouty!! How wonderful to have 14 years and counting with a beloved pet!!
Sarah, I love the clever puns in your pitch. I’m a maybe. I wasn’t exactly clear on what a Kindness Rock is, but I did get that even Kindness Rocks can have a bad day! Perhaps a hint at what the “gift” is that Iggy gives Crin would help the pitch. Does Crin try some things himself to help get over his bad day or is it strictly Iggy’s gift that changes things around? It sounds like a fun premise that kids would enjoy especially in a GN form. Best of luck@
Thanks for the birthday wishes for Scouty, Judy – she is the best! And thanks for your helpful comments for Sarah!
Thank you Judy. I have some work to do to make things more clear.
I’ve not heard of “Kindness rocks” before and wondered if you might retitle to “The Kindness Rocks” just for clarity of meaning? I also highly recommend getting more specific about what is making the day bad and what about the gift turns things around. You don’t want a description that could apply to endless other books. Also, ending with summer vacation about to start, doesn’t feel like much of a payoff for the character’s journey. I hope these thoughts are helpful. I do like the idea of a story about rocks which seems like a unique angle. 🙂 Best of luck!
Thank you for your helpful comments for Sarah, Toni! And I have to say – I’m not sure her title was Kindness Rocks. I was kind of guessing because there wasn’t a title listed and I wasn’t able to get in touch with her to find out for sure so it may well have been my error! 😊
Thank you Toni. Funny thing. I totally forgot to send Susanna the title. She gave the title based on her reading of the pitch. The current working title is Crin and Iggy : Kindness Rocks on the Beach.
I was having a bit of a crisis after feedback on a very different version of the pitch. Susanna was so kind and patient.
I’d like to have more information before I’d commit to reading it. You’ve told us the names of two characters that I’m assuming are human. (confused as the first sentence talks about rocks & I didn’t catch the leap to the humans) One of them woke up on the wrong side of the bedrock however I don’t think we know what the problem is. I’d like to know why I’m reading the story. What problem are they out to solve? I think it could be a one-sentence fix by adding a conundrum that that has set them out on their swim.
Thanks so much for your helpful feedback for Sarah, Patti. It can be so hard to know how an objective reader will see a pitch! It is very instructive to get to hear how it sounds to someone who doesn’t know the story.
Thank you for the feedback Patti. The characters are not humans.
You have given me a lot to think about.
I liked the beginning, however, I can’t see this as ice age since they wouldn’t know anything about “rock and roll”. Anyway, I agree with Patti in the lack of a problem to solve. They must have a problem to work out within the book. Your writing is lively and the puns are fun. I also wondered if kids of Bedrock would have a summer vacation. If this takes place somewhere in the way beyond then the details and speech should be consistent with the setting time.
Thanks so much for sharing your response with Sarah, Elizabeth! Very helpful!
Thank you Elizabeth, It is not set in the ice age. It is also multiple stories that all tie together in the overarching theme of friendship. Each mini-story has a problem within. This is my struggle. How to convey that each part of the day has it’s own story, or to be vague and tell the overarching idea of the story.
Happy, happy 14 Scouty! Hope you and your family are enjoying the birthday goodies and celebration!
I am a yes. However the pitch does require some tweaking as noted in the comments above!
Good Luck! 🙂
Thank you!
Thanks for chiming in for Sarah, Susan, and for the happy birthday wishes for Scouty Brown 😊
Thank you everyone for your feedback. I hope an 800 word pitch will work. Just kidding. I have a lot to figure out on how to write this pitch. I copied all the feedback so I can look for commonalties and think about how to clear things up.