It’s Would You Read It Wednesday! Woo hoo!
And you’ll all be thrilled to know that we get to start today’s proceedings with a triple Straight From The Editor!
You’ll recall that back in June we had a tie between Deborah and Ana.
Deborah’s pitch was for Farmer Jo and the Chicken Coop Calamity (PB) –
This pitch has potential and could be very funny but it’s not telling the story. Are the three chickens with grand ideas the protagonists or is Farmer Jo? Is the conflict that the hen house collapsed or that too many hens came to roost? If the three hens are the reason for the problem—too many hens in the hen house—how do they resolve it? That’s what you need to get across. Who are the protagonists? What is the conflict and what’s the resolution? Right now you have the first two, but not the solution.
Ana’s pitch was for Bella The Best Quits Again (PB) –
Bella, a Latina girl as sassy as Junie B. Jones, quits everything she (barely) tries because she’s not the best at it: her backflips look like giraffes rolling downhill & her dulce de leche frosting: crocodile skin. Bella must learn it’s ok to try again or she won’t be good @ anything. For kids who enjoy The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes. Back Matter Famous Div. People who struggled. #PB #Humor
Bella seems like a great girl and the story could be sweet but the comparisons you make—like Junie B Jones and The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes are taking away from YOUR story. You can say those things outside of the pitch but it would be better to let your story shine through on its own merits. What if you said something like, “Bella, a sassy seven year-old Latina, won’t do backflips because she looks like a giraffe rolling downhill and her dulce de leche frosting tasted like crocodile skin (which are great images BTW), so she refuses to make anymore…” And then you need a sentence that tells the reader how she comes to accept that practice makes perfect…
The July pitch winner was Nancy with her pitch for Cupid’s Tango (PB)
Cupid, the prairie chicken, has his feathers all in a twist over his flock’s step dance contest. If he fails, no hen will pick him to go to the All Species Ball. The problem – he is horrible at step dancing and when he’s nervous, he’s worse. When the contest ends in disaster, Cupid is determined to find a dance he loves and win a hen’s heart to go to the ball.
This looks intriguing. I’d tweak the bit about if he fails no hen will pick him to go to the All Species Dance (which is adorable, BTW) because somebody’s got to lose so only one prairie chicken will go to the All Species Ball from all the contestants? That’s what it sounds like. Even if you phrase it more like “no hen will want to go to the All Species Ball with a chicken with two left feet” it will make a big difference.
So much fantastic pitch feedback straight from our talented and generous neighborhood editor! I hope you all find Erin’s thoughts as instructive as I do!
I’m sure we will all absorb that helpful information much better with Something Chocolate to stimulate our brains! How about some Chocolate Mini Cheesecakes With Oreo Crust?
Chocolate Mini Cheesecake With Oreo Crust
Sounds like brain food to me! 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Marcia who says, “Aspiring writer, not yet published…I have lived in every New England State but one. I am slowly restoring an 1858 cape and love to explore historic houses. On a mission to visit as many presidential homes as I can, in between responding to the demands of my Siberian princess of a cat. Member NESCBWI and 12×12.”
Find her on the web at:
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Isaac’s Apple Tree
Age/Genre: Narrative Nonfiction Picture Book (ages 4-8) – includes Author Note
The Pitch: The tree that facilitated the discovery of gravity (leading to the principles on which all space missions depend) now has “space offspring.” In Isaac’s Apple Tree, the tree under which Isaac Newton sat that fateful day tells its own astounding and far-reaching story.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Marcia improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are 2 or 3 openings left for this year at the end of November/beginning of December, so you could still get your pitch up before 2020 for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Marcia is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to seeing my new book! Did I say that last week? I think I might have! But I’m still waiting for the books to arrive (because I live on a blueberry-covered mountain in the apparent Middle Of Nowhere! 🙂 )
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂