OK. How Twilight Zone is it that the 29th pitch is occurring on that rarest of days, February 29th? *hums Twilight Zone music* Do you have chills?
If you don’t have chills from that, you’ll get them from marveling over the extreme succinctness of my post today – hitherto unheard of brevity 🙂 Grab your Something Chocolate and let’s get right down to Would You Read It!
Today’s pitch comes to us from Jennifer. No, not the same Jennifer as last week. That was Jennifer R. This is Jennifer Y 🙂
Jennifer was born and raised in southern Connecticut and settled down in south Jersey. She loves quotes. One of her favorites is from The Edge – “What one man can do, another can do.” You can visit her blog and like her on Face Book 🙂
Working Title: Planet Vacation
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Rose takes a vacation to visit the planets. Will she get a chance to rollerblade on the rings of Saturn and scuba dive for starfish on Jupiter or will her trip be nothing like she dreamed?
And I hope you are all suitably impressed by my succinctness 🙂 See you Friday – boy do I have a fantastic book to share with you!
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Yes, very much so. It appeals to my geek side. Vacationing on the planets sounds cool.
Yes I would love to read this. It has me curious, is she dreaming this while asleep or actually going to visit the planets? I can imagine already the pictures for this story, very colourful in hues of blue, not all but most, and rollerblading on the rings of saturn makes this a very fun story and pleasurable to the eye…. yes I would love to read this, hopefully soon. (just my thoughts)
Yes! I expect a signed copy when you get it published. ;).
Wow! Now that is a pitch. I love it and the premise. Can't wait to read it.
Yes! The pitch was succinct, clear and intriguing. The storyline is unusual and I sure want to know how the plane-trip turns out. Well done, Jennifer.
Ooooo, Jennifer's pitch sounds awesome! I'd definitely read it. What kid (and adult!) wouldn't want to take a vacation like that? 🙂
Thanks so much for your comment, Randy!
Thanks, Diane!
That's the kind of attitude I like 🙂
Love your brevity comment, you are too funny!
That pitch is wonderful and puts my space story to shame. It sounds fantastic. The only thing I would say is I can't see much of a story problem to fix. Does something bad happen that she can't do those things?
Well, Catherine, I realize that I do have a tendency to run on and craw way too many things into a post, so I was very proud of myself for keeping it short today. It will probably never happen again 🙂
I know! Doesn't it sound fun?!
Great pitch! I'd read it! It sounds like a funny vacation!I guess she won't visit Pluto. Poor Pluto. Poor, poor Pluto. 😦
Erik
Thanks for the comment, Joanna 🙂
You're funny! Poor Pluto indeed! 🙂
As rare as the leap day lol 🙂
Yes! So true! I didn't even think of that 🙂
Catherine Johnson (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:
As rare as the leap day lol 🙂
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I like the concept for sure, though as Catherine said, I wonder if the pitch needs a mention of the conflict.
That was my thought, too! They will be needing new planet books without poor Pluto. 😦
And yes, I'd read this. It sounds fun.
Jennifer, I think this sounds like a great story. What caught my eye is “planets” + rollerblading on Saturn's rings. Teachers would use this book in teaching about space for young kids. For the pitch though, perhaps you need to tell a little more…what's the inciting incident or the thing that causes a problem? (if it's that kind of a story) Again, this sounds like a fun adventure!
Thanks so much for visiting, Tina, and for your helpful comment!
Thank you for those kind words and very helpful advice Tina.
Thanks Renee I really appreciate your insight!
No, she's not going there lol. Thanks for the kind words Eric!
Yes. I would. The last part of the question left me a little disappointed, but maybe that's how Rose will be on this vacation. Just my impression. Very brief Susannah. 🙂
Thank you so much Rachel 😉
Thanks for all your help Catherine. It looks like everyone see the same problem with my pitch which is great. Now, I know where to fix it. 🙂
Hey Susanna, I was a little surprised too! I think it's neat this is your 29th on the 29th. Thanks again for having my on today, it's been a great big help so far!
Aw, shucks thanks Laura! That made my day 🙂
Thank you Joanna! That's wonderful to hear.
Rena, you're too kind. Thanks girl 🙂
Thank you Diane. I loved hearing what you had to say about the colors.
So glad it does Randy. Thanks for the kind words.
Thank you Stacy. I appreciate your help!
Thank you Stacy, I appreciate your help 🙂
With all the space buffs in my house, we would definitely read this book. Having read the manuscript (lucky me!) I would mention that her challenge is to find the perfect vacation spot in the solar system or among the planets (something like that). Also, I'm not sure “will her trip be nothing like she dreamed” adds very much. Maybe you could add a third example from the text instead?
I know! Wasn't I just? 🙂
So great to have thoughts from someone who has actually read it! Thanks, Kirsten!
You are most welcome! i'm so glad if you're finding it helpful! 🙂
Great, thank so much for your thoughts on it Kirsten! I'll see what would fix better.
Yes, Jennifer…your pitch entices me to read more! I'd love to know what it's like to skateboard on the rings of Saturn, and wonder what those other adventures would be. It keeps me guessing. Talk about a never-to-be-forgotten vacation…don't forget the camera (or is it an iPhone now?)!
So glad to hear you would. Thank you for your kind words Jarm!
Definitely would read this. Outer space adventure…great stuff.
Thank you so much!
*does a happy dance*
Yay, Jennifer! Yes, I'd totally read this. I know my boys love all things outer space, so it'd be a hit in our home. Bravo!
I miiiiight try adding a bit more tension to the pitch, though. What's the cataclysmic issue? I'm sure it's a great one!
You're sweet Bethany, so glad you liked it 🙂 Thank you for the very helpful advice!
I love this! Very excited to read it to my planet-loving 3yo. Here's the question that popped out at me: I couldn't tell if this was going to be pure fantasy (i.e. that she COULD rollerskate on the rings) or if the ending question “nothing like she thought” meant that she was going to learn facts about the planets and NOT be able to do things like that…I'd love a little hint as to which direction the book is taking..pure fantasy, some fantasy (I'm assuming there's a little bit if she's traveling to all the planets) mixed with science, or more science. Good luck!
Yes, I would read it. The best part is I want to know more. At first I was bothered because taking a vacation to space doesn't seem natural (Is she from the future? Is this a dream?) But then I decided I like it just the way it is. You shouldn't answer all your readers' questions in the pitch. The rest of your query letter can address the other things word count, fantasy vs. realism, etc. Your pitch is just the hook and you hooked it.
Wow, that was really nice to hear Hannah. Thanks for your perspective on it.
Great advice Wendy. Thank you so much for your input.