Would You Read It Wednesday #63 – Scooter Annie Braves The Hill (PB), Straight From The Editor #13, AND The Halloweensie Contest!!!

Holy Jack-O-Lanterns Batman!

Why didn’t anyone remind me that I forgot to post the Halloweensie Contest Rules on Monday???!!!  Now we’ve got a gigantic post for today!  So that’s it.  No chitchat!  We’re getting right down to business!

First things first.  It’s Would You Read It Wednesday, so grab your Something Chocolate!  Care to join me for some chocolate cheesecake?

Chocolate Cheesecake… YUM!!!
Photo copyright Stacy Jensen 2012 used by permission

You know, usually I can rationalize the chocolate into some form of acceptable breakfast, but this one eludes me.  Just enjoy 🙂

Now then.  Straight From The Editor for the September Pitch Pick, which you will recall was won by the lovely Elizabeth with her pitch for Buff The Magic Dragon.

Buff The Magic Dragon
Picture Book, ages 4-8
The Pitch: Buff the Magic Dragon is afraid of EVERYTHING. But when his magic trick-gone-wrong lands the baby Princess Ponypants in the tentacles of Captain Meanie Bones Jones, Buff must swallow his fear to save her. 

Here are editor Erin Molta’s comments:

This is cute. I think it would work better if instead of saying “swallow his fear” you say, “overcome his fear”. Because when swallow is used it’s almost always about swallowing one’s pride and I think you’d rather have the connotation being strong. Then I think you might want to be a tad more specific about what fear he is overcoming. I know he’s afraid of everything but if he is to rescue Princess Ponypants(cute name!) from Captain Meanie Bones Jones, he’ll need to face that fear directly. So perhaps Buff must overcome his fear of  . . . eight-legged purple sea monsters or his fear of water in order to do battle with the Captain . . .

I don’t know about you, but I always find Erin’s thoughts very helpful!

Moving right along, we have today’s pitch from Carrie who blogs over at Story Patch and who, if you’ve spent any time around here at all, you will recognize as the pitch doctor 🙂  She has an uncanny ability to take any pitch, keep what’s best, and fix what needs help.  But it’s always a different matter when it comes to your own work, isn’t it?  So today she’s asking for your help.  Let’s see if she needs any 🙂

Working Title: Scooter Annie Braves The Hill
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: When Annie gets a new scooter, she can’t wait to ride. She loves swooping down her driveway and gliding along the sidewalk. But if Annie wants to ride in the neighborhood parade, she must find a way to conquer her fears and tackle the biggest hill in town.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Carrie improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in January, so you have time to polish 🙂 for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Carrie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am looking forward to presenting The Halloweensie Contest!!!

Are you ready?

What is that noise in the dark of night?

It’s coming closer…

…and closer…

*dramatic Hollywood scream*  AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

It’s the (2nd Annual!) HALLOWEENSIE CONTEST!!!!!


courtesy google images

The Contest:  write a 100 word Halloween story appropriate for children (title not included in the 100 words), using the words witchbat, and “trick-or-treat.   Your story can be scary, funny or anything in between, poetry or prose, but it will only count for the contest if it includes those 3 words and is 100 words (you can go under, but not over!)  Get it?  Halloweensie – because it’s not very long and it’s for little people 🙂

Post your story on your blog on Wednesday October 31 and link up here (and I’m really hoping we don’t get 2 feet of snow that knocks out the power and the internet this year!!!)  If you don’t have a blog and would like to enter, you can simply copy and paste your entry in the comments section of the Wednesday October 31 official contest blog post that will go up here.

The Judge: my lovely assistant and I will narrow down the entrants to three (hee hee hee – you know how much trouble I have with only 3, so we’ll see) top choices which will be posted here and voted on for a winner.

The Prize:  Okay.  Seriously?  I think this is a good prize 🙂  The winner will receive 5 (that’s FIVE!) brand new picture books personalized and signed by the authors!  These 5 awesome books are: PUZZLED BY PINK by Sarah Frances Hardy, THE MONSTER WHO LOST HIS MEAN by Tiffany Strelitz Haber, THE THREE NINJA PIGS by Corey Rosen Schwartz, MARATHON MOUSE by Amy Dixon, and FLAP! by Alison Hertz.  Great to keep for your own collection or to give to little ones in your life as holiday gifts 🙂

Doesn’t that sound like fun?  Last year this was the very first writing contest I ever had on my blog, and I think we got 8 entries.  I’m really really hoping we get lots more this year – it’s fun, it’s not too long (one might even call it short and sweet :)), it has to do with Halloween, which makes you think of candy, which is pretty much synonymous with chocolate… – so really, what could be better? 🙂

So get those thinking caps on – you’ve got a whole week to come up with a 100 word kids’ Halloween story! (and I’ve already given your three of the words 🙂 witchbat, and “trick-or-treat“) – and, since I went and distracted you with the contest, everyone please remember to leave your thoughts on Carrie’s pitch!

Have a lovely Wednesday, my friends 🙂

89 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #63 – Scooter Annie Braves The Hill (PB), Straight From The Editor #13, AND The Halloweensie Contest!!!

  1. Carrie Finison says:

    Thanks, Julie. You are right on the money with that comment. It does give away too much (which makes me sad because I do like it. Sigh…)

  2. This Kid Reviews Bks says:

    I would read it! I like how the pitch is laid out. It sounds like you will have a good book! 🙂 Although, I agree with Ms. Hedlund, I think your title is a little revealing.

    Ms. Hill, I would like to join the contest. 🙂

  3. Lauri Meyers says:

    I see a Halloween rhyme in my future!

    For the scooter story, I'm curious if there needs to be more incentive than just being in the parade – like riding with her brother or winning a scooter scholarship (okay I'm coming up blank on what it would be…)

  4. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment for Carrie, Julie! A good point! And I hope maybe your October 12×12 ms could be inspired by the Halloween Contest – we'd all love to have you join in the fun 🙂 OH! Which reminds me! What is the collective noun for bats? I'd better ask that somewhere else in case you don't see this…!

  5. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Carrie, Julie! And glad you found Erin's comments helpful. As for chocolate cheesecake (well, I should whisper this so lean in a little closer… when it comes to cheesecake, I AM actually a purist. I really only like it plain – no chocolate, no berries, especially no pineapple! But it still looks delicious in the picture :))

  6. Hannah Holt says:

    It's a yes from me Carrie. I think your pitch works, but I like Lauri's comment about upping the stakes. Then again maybe you feel a more relaxed pitch suits the story better. If you want to increase the intensity here's a sample…
    “Scooter Annie loves swooping
    down her driveway and gliding along the sidewalk. She doesn't even hesitate at the top of Big Hill. But a bump in the road turns Annie's world upside down. Now if Annie wants to
    ride in the neighborhood parade, she must conquer her
    fear of falling while falling in love with scooter-ing all over again.”
    Okay, I went over the top with this one. Thanks for humoring me.

  7. Heather Newman says:

    Yes! The pitch gives a great sense of the internal struggle Annie will have to go through to ride in the parade. I do agree with Julie about the title, if the story is about her trying to find the courage to ride the title shouldn't reveal the answer. Good luck!

  8. Clarike Bowman-Jahn says:

    Thanks so much for hosting the contest. I've been through some scary times lately so may bow out but again it sounds like so much fun! 🙂 Had a thought this morning. But then it vanished. 🙂

    scary, huh?

  9. Pamela Courthey says:

    To begin, I need that recipe for my birthday! Gotta have it! Must have it! Next, I am excited about the contest and hope I through with my stuff so I can have some real fun with this contest. You know, I'm kinda excited about it, really! Now, I'd certainly read this book! This pitch is really tight! I love the fact that it's a girl being so daring. I don't have anything to add to the great advice that's been given already. Best of luck to you, Carrie.

  10. Stina Lindenblatt says:

    Tut Tut. Susanna, what did I say about the pics of yummy looking desserts being at the top of the post? How am I expected to concentrate on the rest of the post when all I can think about is the dessert. 😀

    Based on Erin's feedback of the dragon logline, I'd say Carrie should mention what Annie's fear is.

  11. Sharron says:

    Loved Erin's comments. Food for thought. Hmmm. Perhaps chocolate food for thought!

    Loved Carrie's pitch. Parades are such fun for kids. Always exciting. “…she must find a way to conquer her fears and tackle the biggest hill in town.” I would consider taking out 'conquer her fears' and just say, 'she must find a way to tackle the biggest hill in town.' Every kid knows what that means.

  12. Patricia Nozell says:

    better late than never, but yes, I think I would read the book. One question I had, though, was whether a problem happened when Annie was riding or whether the hill is just so, so steep.

    The contest looks awesome, Susanna. Sure hope the power doesn't desert me & that words flow as fast as the rain water down my hill….hmmm, how to fit an ark in there someplace, too…

    Stay warm & dry everyone!

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