Would You Read It Wednesday #99 – Karina The Dancer (PB)

So anyway, whose idea was it to let children drive cars?

I’m just asking.

(Oops, sorry – are my white knuckles showing?)

Because really I think it would be preferable if they had to wait until I was in a nursing home…where I will probably be shortly due to the anxiety said driving causes me daily!

First, you have to sit helpless (the very definition of a sitting duck!) in the passenger seat and teach them how to drive, a process during which it is important to stay alert and keep your eyes peeled for danger even though you’d give $1000 to hide under a blanket on the back seat… or better yet, coach them via satellite from the safety of your living room couch 🙂

But that is far better than what comes next, when they are licensed to drive, and you have to wave from the porch as the taillights disappear out the driveway and hope and pray that your baby returns safe and sound (having also not caused undue damage to persons and property in the great state of New York or nearby Connecticut.)

And then bam, bam, bam – they’re all learning one right after another, so we don’t even get a breather between kids.

I tell you.  My crop of gray hairs is multiplying at an alarming rate.  This whole kids driving thing is not good for my peace of mind.

You know what IS good for peace of mind?  CHOCOLATE 🙂  (Do you like how smoothly I segued into that? :))

Just WAIT until you see the chocolate delight I have for you today!  It has been baked specially for you by Teresa – her fabulous French Chocolate Cake With Chocolate Glaze! (and if you follow that link and scroll down to the July 29 post you can get the recipe 🙂 – sorry, for some reason I couldn’t get the post-specific link… maybe because of the deterioration of mental function caused by all the driving anxiety :))

photograph copyright Teresa Robeson 2013 used with permission

Doesn’t that look YUMMY?!  And it’s especially appropriate because Teresa is friends with today’s pitcher, so it’s kind of like she baked this cake especially for the occasion 🙂

Today’s pitch comes to us from Darshana.  Darshana’s special talents by day are solving engineering problems, creating activities for her kids, and concocting ways to spend time with her husband. By night she reads and writes picture books, so one day she can realize her dream of becoming a published author. Check out her book reviews at Flowering Minds, and keep up to date on the latest in the kidlit world by “Liking” her on FaceBook or “Following” her on Twitter.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Karina The Dancer
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Wanting to be a dancing star like her older sister, free-spirited Karina signs up for Indian classical dance, a structured art form, only to realize her true talents lie in a different dance style.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Darshana improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September so we’re about ready for some new pitches!  Send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Darshana is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to when all my children are excellent, experienced, accomplished drivers and I don’t have to worry anymore… (yeah, I heard it.  I know it comes with parenthood that I will always worry about them :))  So that’s not realistic.  Okay then.  I am looking forward to Friday when we are going to have a very fun Short & Sweet!  Sharpen your pencils and get ready for something special!  And that’s the truth! 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!  Happy reading and writing!

(And if you should happen to hear a shriek from the direction of the east coast, don’t worry – it’s probably just me in the passenger seat while #5 takes her place behind the wheel :))

70 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #99 – Karina The Dancer (PB)

  1. Wendy Lawrence says:

    Hi! I love the idea behind the story and the subject matter, so yes I would read it! I do think the pitch falls a little short of the promised free-spirited Karina. After all, if she's free-spirited, why pick a structured dance? Or do her parents sign her up for that and she is initially excited but then realizes she doesn't fit? And is it the same dance her sister does, I assume (but don't know)? I like that you kept the pitch short, but I do think we need to know a little more, or maybe it needs to be just introduced a little differently. Good luck!

  2. Yvonne Mes says:

    Susanna, I empathize with you, it won't be long for my oldest will get his L-plate. I am going to need heaps of that chocolate cake to soothe my nerves!

    I love your blog, and I liked you Facebook page, can't believe I didn't check those out earlier!
    You have had plenty of great feedback on your pitch already and I don't have anything insightful to add. Of course I would read it! I would try to inject of Karina's spirited character into the pitch to totally wow an agent or editor.

  3. Cally Jackson says:

    Susanna, we are at two ends of the parenting spectrum, aren't we? Me with my seven-month-old and you with yours learning how to drive. That thought makes me nervous already. Who knows what the roads will be like in 16 years! LOL

    Darshana, I like the sound of your story. I agree with Wendy below about to continue to fine tune your pitch to really get people's attention. 🙂

  4. Rachel says:

    Hi Darshana. My daughters love stories about dancing so I'm sure they'd enjoy your story. Perhaps you could start your pitch with: Free-spirited Karina wants to be a dancing star like her big sister. However, after …. Karina realises her true talent lies in a different dance style. Maybe you could add in a sentence about an adventure/problem she encounters?

  5. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks so much for your comments for Darshana, Wendy. Very insightful. I've actually read this story so I know too much to evaluate the pitch objectively and you brought up some important points that someone who hasn't read the story would need to know.

  6. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks for your comments for Darshana, Cally. And as for the parenting things, yes we are! (although I have a 2 year old granddaughter and a new grandbaby due next week so I get some little people time too :)) But who knows? In 16 years, maybe cars will be hovercraft and maybe they'll be so technologically advanced that you can't have accidents 🙂

  7. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thank so much for your helpful comments for Darshana, Meg. And yeah… at least one of mine… well, make that two… who are driving can STILL not be trusted to wield fingerpaint. Guess which two? 🙂

  8. Darshana says:

    Thanks Rachel. I like your suggestion. I second Susanna's comment about Kerry's site. A lot of good suggestions there.

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