Would You Read It Wednesday #100!!! – The Golden Egg (PB) PLUS Straight From The Editor

Holy Hundredth Would You Read It, Batman!

Can you believe it?

Today marks the 100th week!  The 100th brave person to post their pitch!  The 100th Wednesday of Wonderfulness when we all get to learn so much from each other!

Who would have thought we’d get to 100 back on July 27, 2011 when we had our very first pitch?

So I think we should celebrate.  As always, Something Chocolate shall be involved (with many many thanks to the awesome and wonderful Coleen for making this for us today – and while I’m mentioning Coleen you should go read her blog if you don’t already because she is tons of fun :))

This, my friends, is a Brookie – a Brownie Cookie – pretty much the best of both worlds, don’tcha think?
Photo copyright Coleen Patrick 2013 used by permission

Doesn’t that look delicious???  Help yourself to a cup of coffee or a nice cold glass of milk to go with it! 🙂

But wait!  There’s more!

Because the 100th day of anything doesn’t come around all that often, I think I will give away a prize to one lucky randomly selected commenter from today’s post!  Just because I love you and my blog would be nothing without all you wonderful people who come to read and comment and share your love of kidlit.

Hmmm…. what should the prize be, I wonder?

Well, you can never really have enough picture books, can you? 🙂  If you’re a parent or a teacher they come in super handy.  If you’re a writer, you can learn so much from how a good one is written.  So how about the prize shall be the winner’s choice of Is Your Buffalo Ready For Kindergarten by Audrey Vernick (perfect for this time of year), I Haiku You by Betsy Snyder (perfect for poetry lovers), Journey by Aaron Becker (perfect for art lovers), America’s Champion Swimmer: Gertrude Ederle by David A. Adler (perfect for nonfiction lovers), or, if you already have all 4 of those, something else that we pick together!

Now, just quickly before we get to today’s pitch, I have a Straight From The Editor for you.  You will recall that Andrea won the June pitch pick with her pitch for The Backpack Secret (PB).  This was her pitch:

On the first day of kindergarten, Amani notices that Mason won’t take off his backpack. She’s determined to find out why, especially when the other kids start calling him names. After she finally convinces Mason to share his secret, it gives her an idea that will help everyone in the class feel braver at school.

And this response from editor Erin Molta is almost a first (it certainly doesn’t happen often!):

I like this and can’t think of anything to make it more appealing. It states the problem succinctly and resolves it satisfactorily while intriguing an editor to want to find out what’s inside that backpack.

Wow!  Good for you, Andrea!  Well done!  (And maybe you’d better send that story our on submission soon :))

Straight From The Editor reminds me that I don’t think we’ve done the July Pitch Pick, so maybe I’ll put that up on Friday.

Now then, today’s pitch comes to us from Lisa, whom you may remember from last month with her pitch for That Tommy Thompson.  Lisa says, “I’m a former elementary school social worker, mom of two, and have recently made writing my full time job.  Two years ago I wrote my first picture book and just this past fall I  decided it wasn’t going to do any good sitting on my computer. I began taking classes, reading craft books, attending conferences and workshops and just writing, everyday, writing.   The original story is long gone but at last count I’ve got 42 other drafts and ideas jotted down.  Oh yeah, and about four or five ready to go manuscripts. I have worked with kids my entire adult life and I feel strongly that this is the avenue in which I am meant to reach those little hearts and minds at this time in my life.  On a random note, I’m a big fan of chocolate covered gummy bears. ;)”

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: The Golden Egg
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-8)
The Pitch: The sight of a golden egg creates quite a stir among the feathered community and the fact that it doesn’t hatch has the Whisperers working overtime.  But have no fear, the Eggsperts are called in to save the day. But do they?  In the end,  Mother Hen knows she must listen to her heart.   Through a humorous story, lies a nurturing tale about a mothers love, acceptance and healing.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Lisa improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September which is alarmingly close, so please send your pitch in right away for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Lisa is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to seeing how my freshly updated website and blog turn out.  The marvelous Donna Farrell is hard at work trying to update, freshen, and streamline my blog and website with only the barest, minimal, cryptic information from me – such comments as, “Can you make it so it does that thing like, you know?” – very specific, detailed instructions 🙂  Good luck, Donna 🙂  But she’s a genius so I know it will turn out exactly how I want it!

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!  And don’t forget, one lucky commenter today will win a prize! 🙂  Thank you all for your devoted readership!  It makes me happy to be part of this warm-hearted, generous community!

80 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #100!!! – The Golden Egg (PB) PLUS Straight From The Editor

  1. Teresa Robeson says:

    Woohoo…Susanna! 100th on a fine and popular tradition…how wonderful!

    Looove that Brookie! Recipe? Hint, hint… 😉

    Congratulations to Andrea! That's quite the accomplishment.

    I'm a sucker for anything chicken related, so I would read this story. I agree with Catherine that the last line can be taken out (if it isn't, it needs some fixing…extra comma, lack of apostrophe). Also, when I hear/see the word “whisperer” now, I think of people who can communicate well with another species (e.g. horse whisperer), so I would suggest changing “Whisperers” to “Gossipers.”

  2. Angela Brown says:

    Yay for making it to pitch 100! That is quite the milestone. And two thumbs up for Andrea. I agree, get that pitch out on submissions ASAP!

    As for today's pitch, I would read it but I was a little confused because I wasn't sure if the golden egg just happened to be alone or if it belonged to Mother Hen due to the mention of Mother Hen listening to her heart. Otherwise, it sounds really adorable.

  3. Julie Rowan-Zoch says:

    Centratulations, Susanna! I've obviously missed too many!
    And to Andrea, that's wonderful. Now, hurry up and sub!
    I have to agree with Catherine about the last line too, and I would try to tighten it just a wee bit more, possibly even cutting the first three words. Best of luck, Lisa!

  4. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_Erik says:

    I would like “Is Your Buffalo Ready for Kindergarten?” if I win. It sounds really good. 🙂

    I would read the book and love it! I am wondering what the “Whisperers” are tough. Good luck! 🙂

  5. Darshana says:

    Congratulations Susanna. That is awesome. Happy 100!

    Hi Lisa, wow 42 MS, that is great. As for this story my answer is a maybe. While I like humorous chicken stories, I am not exactly sure what this story is about. I actually thought the story was about a chicken miscarriage. Okay just re-read and realized it's a golden egg so it won't hatch obviously. Does Mother Hen treat the egg as if it were a real one? Not sure where the healing part comes into play. I am curious about the story as I do love your voice with words like Eggspert and Whisperers, just a bit confused.

  6. pathaap says:

    Congratulations Susanna! That's great for you and for us!
    I would read the book, although I am a bit confused with the reference to the golden egg. It made me think of the goose that laid the golden egg and I wondered why Mother Hen would follow her heart. But I'm curious enough to want to know why. I agree with the others about taking out the last line. Love the “Whisperers” and “Eggsperts.” Good luck, Lisa! Pat

  7. pennyklostermann says:

    100!!!! Confetti and balloons and streamers and horseshoes! (We have to play horseshoes because of “pitch”!!!)

    Congrats to Andrea for such a wonderful pitch in June! Awesome!

    The pitch had me going with the first sentence, so I would read it for sure. I would tighten some. I am thinking the Eggsperts and the Whisperers are one in the same? If I'm wrong ignore me 🙂 If they are one in the same, I think you should combine the two sentences. Are they Eggspert Whispers? (I love both of those words for your story, by the way!) Right now it sounds like they are two different groups. And I agree with Catherine and others to delete the last sentence.

  8. disqus_bENDymTlMv says:

    Sounds cute! Kind of a spin on the goose that lays golden eggs. 🙂 I would read it, I like chicken stories. My first thought is perhaps you are introducing too many characters all at once? I was watching Live Pitch critiques on WriteOnCon yesterday and the first one they mentioned this being confusing. (http://writeoncon.com/08/13/live-event-can-you-handle-the-truth-google-hangout-with-suzie-townsend-and-kathleen-ortiz/) I'm wondering if kids could relate to a mother worrying about her egg hatching? I only say that because I have a chicken story where the chicken is trying to lay an egg for the farmer and got this from an agent ” the premise to be more
    relatable to adults than to children.” 😀 Best of luck!

    Happy 100th Would You Read It Wednesday Susanna! 😀

  9. sue heavenrich says:

    100 pitches – wow! congrats. And chocolate-covered gummi bears? really? I must get with progress, here….
    The pitch – I love that it's a hen, and that there are “whisperers” and “eggsperts”. Sounds just like my small town.
    Could it be the neighbors seeing this golden egg and gossiping? Next thing you know they're calling in snarky comments to the reader's column and penning letters to the editor (quill pens, of course) – and who calls in the eggsperts? I think mama hen has to save the day, not the eggsperts – who will prolly end up with egg on their faces.

  10. Lisa Bertellotti says:

    Thank you for the feedback. I will check out the article. I'm hoping it is a story that kids and adults can take away some lessons from. The golden egg has a few siblings that keep things interesting as well!

  11. Lisa Bertellotti says:

    Ha, well only 5 or 6 completed MS. The rest are notes, ideas and partials but I always have something to work! Thank you for the feedback.

  12. Lisa Bertellotti says:

    Thank you for the support! Can't wait for it to be published and then you can read all about the Whisperers 😉

  13. Lisa Bertellotti says:

    Last line is gone! I thought about deleting it last night but got so tired after just doing the Komen 3 day I didn't even have energy for delete. 😉 Thank you for the feedback!

  14. Kathy says:

    Hi Susanna!
    Looks like you folks are having a good time over here, so I thought I would pop in 🙂
    I would read it. I'm intrigued by the golden egg and what all the whispers are about.

  15. Lisa Bertellotti says:

    I never thought about that with the Whisperers. Something I will have to consider. Thanks for the feedback!

  16. Vivian Kirkfield says:

    The muffin is perfect, Susanna! Thanks for always providing us with a little visual taste of paradise.:) And your blog site is already awesome…excited to see what the changes will be.

    Congrats to Andrea…I loved the Backpack story…glad that the pitch is considered 'ready-to-go'…I agree, send that baby out, Andrea.:)

    I love the story about the Golden Egg…Lisa, I would definitely read it! Perhaps you could condense the last part:

    The barnyard is all a-flutter and feathers are flying when the Eggsperts are called in and advise (one or two examples of what they think should be done), but in the end, Mother Hen knows she must listen to her heart.

    Susanna, thank you so much for always providing this platform for aspiring writers…you are a very special lady.:)

  17. Patricia Tilton says:

    I like the pitch a lot. It grabs my attention and I like your play on words. I'm not sure I'd use the last sentence in the pitch. Sounds more like an opening first paragraph about the length of your book along with a comment summarizes the book — which the last sentence does. I like the use of whisperers.
    Congratulations Andrea on the feedback.

  18. disqus_bENDymTlMv says:

    It's a video! And basically they just say to be careful introducing to much/too many characters at once, so it might not be worth your time! 😉 The pitches were all YA, but you might get some info of value. Danielle Smith is talking pitches live right now, might be more beneficial! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8tmOr2khus
    And sounds like you've thought about whether it's kid relatable. Sounds like you're in good shape. 😀

  19. Stacy S. Jensen says:

    I'm with Patricia on the last line. Good luck to Lisa on the pitch, Andrea on her feedback. Susanna on the website and … oh I want that cookie Brownie Coleen. Yummy.

  20. Janet Johnson says:

    Umm, *drools*. That Brookie looks 'to die for'! Yumm! I really liked this pitch, and would definitely read the book. I do agree with Patricia about the last line. It felt so adult. And I thought the line before it ended the pitch nicely.
    Best of luck with the book and your new career, Lisa!

  21. Iza Trapani says:

    Woo hoo! 100 Would You Read it Wednesdays! Congratulations!

    I see we are all in agreement that the last sentence should be eliminated. The humor is obvious in the wordplay and the premise. I think the pitch works eggcellently up to the last line. Great job, Lisa! I really look forward to reading the story!

    P.S. Sorry I have been such a stranger, Susanna, but I had really lousy internet service in Maine. Sites just would not load on my iphone, or they'd load for a but then the service would disappear. Frustrating- but on the flip side , it's good to unplug sometimes 🙂 Missed you!

  22. Michelle Heidenrich Barnes says:

    Happy 100! The brookie seems a worthy celebration dessert. (YUM) As for the pitch, yes, I would read the PB, though I agree the last line is not needed. I would also delete the first three words of your first sentence.

  23. nrhatch says:

    Woo Hoo!!! Way to go, Andra. That is great news about your Backpack Pitch.

    Happy 100th Pitch Pick, Susanna. Time flies when we're eating chocolate.

    We started the celebration early by capping off our evening (last night) with ice cream ~> toasted waffle, spread with Nutella, topped with vanilla Haagen Daz, strawberries, and bananas!

    Yes . . . it's GOOD! Sinfully so.

  24. Pam Brunskill says:

    100 pitches! That's great, and a yummy brownie cookie to boot! Congrats, Andrea, on that great feedback.
    As for the pitch, I like it, but my initial reaction is that it's too long. A quick glance at others' comments seems like that's already been said, and how to fix it. Nice job!

  25. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks, Julie! Many of the old WYRIs are archived for your browsing convenience under the WYRI tab above, but then I got very busy and fell behind with updating so you will notice I haven't done it since about January 🙂 Something else to add to my to-do list 🙂 Thanks for your helpful suggestions for Lisa!

  26. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Thanks for the congrats, Darshana, but they are really for all of you guys for pitching and commenting and helping each other so much! Thank you for your thought-provoking comments for Lisa, too – I'm sure she'll find them helpful!

  27. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Oh Penny! Thank you for bringing the confetti and balloons and streamers, and you are right! Horseshoes would be perfect! Andrea certainly did do a good job on her pitch! And thank you so much for your helpful comments for Lisa!

  28. Delighted says:

    I sat down to a cup of hot coffee…but I'm waiting for the Brownie Cookie to be delivered! It definitely looks yummy!

    I read very quickly and it took me a couple of reads before I understood the pitch. The first sentence seemed a bit wordy…and I would definitely omit the last line. “She must listen to her heart” is the perfect ending to the pitch.

  29. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    Sue, you made me laugh out loud with your “egg on their face” comment 🙂 Thanks so much for your thoughts for Lisa, and for the congrats. I am personally not a gummi fan, but I think the chocolate covering could convert me 🙂

    Settings

  30. Susanna Leonard Hill says:

    I'm so glad you enjoyed the Brookie, Vivian! We have the lovely Coleen to thank for that 🙂 Thanks for your very helpful suggestions for Lisa, and thank you so much for your very kind words – you're too kind – it's all of you who make this place special 🙂

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