Would You Read It Wednesday #205 – The Hero Of Foggy Basin (PB) PLUS The Dec/Jan Pitch Pick Winner!

Woo hoo!  It’s Wednesday!  And it’s officially spring!  I hope you are all feeling sunshiny this morning! 🙂

Did any of you ever read Cheaper By The Dozen by Frank Gilbreth and Ernestine Gilbreth Carey?  It was a favorite of mine when I was growing up, about a big, happy, busy family having one hilarious adventure after another.  If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it (and not the movie with Steve Martin… read the book!  Not that I have anything against Steve Martin – actually, he is a favorite – but I always think the book is better than the movie 🙂 )

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is because the father in the story  was an efficiency expert.  And I’ve decided I could seriously use an efficiency expert!  I would love to have someone organize my time and tasks and keep me on schedule.  I would do it myself but it turns out I’m not very good at it – too easily sidetracked by interesting tangents! 🙂  So if any of you are extremely organized, like to crack the whip, and are interested in working for brownies, you may apply in the comment section 🙂

Because look at this!  Here we are in March and I just realized, what with the Valentiny Contest and all, we got a little off our schedule and I never announced the winner of the December/January Pitch Pick!

So without further ado…

…the winner…

(…drum roll please…!)

…is Ashley with her pitch for The Race Against Sleep!

Congratulations, Ashley!  Your pitch is on its way to editor Erin Molta for her thoughts and I’m sure you’ll hear from her soon!

Congratulations also to our other courageous pitchers, who put their work out for all the world to see and comment on.  You all did a fabulous job – it was a close race! – and I hope even those who didn’t win got enough helpful feedback to really improve their pitches!  Well done all of you!

And now, so that we don’t accidentally miss Easter in some lapse of efficiency (because it’s so early this year it would be easy to miss!) I thought this festive, springy Easter Egg Pretzel Chocolate Swirl Bark would be an excellent choice for today’s Something Chocolate!

Easter-Egg-Pretzel-Chocolate-Swirl-Bark-Recipe-by-Five-Heart-Home_700pxAerial

Recipe HERE at FiveHeartHome

So pretty, isn’t it?  And chocolatey and sweet and salty…YUM!

And now, in what can only be called a model of efficiency 🙂 , onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Heather who says, “Several years ago, I was a Silicon Valley proofreader/copy editor. Now I’m a mom, school volunteer, and student of picture-book writing. The writing light switched on for me in third grade when we were all asked to dictate a story into a tape recorder. I got gold stars on my assignment that day, and writing has been part of my creative life ever since. Nowadays, the world feels right when I can walk around creating characters in my head. Aside from my picture-book characters, I live with my inspiring kids and rocket scientist husband in Redwood City, California.”

Visit her at:  www.HeatherKinser.com

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: The Hero Of Foggy Basin

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-6)

The Pitch:  A stray dog with a sunny disposition wanders into a town that’s always blanketed by fog—and can’t find the way out. Dog brightens the lives of the gloomy townsfolk, but when he realizes he’s not free to leave, he gradually loses hope. That’s when he meets a trio of children who seem to carry a light of their own, and decides it’s his job to fetch them the sun.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Heather improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

 

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in April so you could get your pitch up for some helpful feedback very soon, and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!

Heather is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to seeing who applies for the job as my efficiency expert or, failing that, who has any excellent suggestions on time management 🙂

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂

17 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #205 – The Hero Of Foggy Basin (PB) PLUS The Dec/Jan Pitch Pick Winner!

  1. chattytcp says:

    Susanna, thanks for the sweet spring treats – Yummo!

    Hi Heather!

    I would definitely read your story. Your pitch has piqued my interest and I’m very interested in learning about why the sweet doggie ray of sunshine isn’t able to leave the gloomy town. Hmmm – is the gloom symbolic of a dog pound or some type of capture and the trio who rescue him – his forever home? So many questions, so I need to read it. Great job!

  2. Lauri Meyers says:

    Susanna, I’m skilled on efficiency planning! I just suck at executing it for myself:)
    For the pitch, I’ll recommend mentor texts: Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch. Yarn. Mr. Tiger Goes Wild. All about people changing things around them.

    • hethfeth says:

      Thanks! My daughter had “Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch” from the school library. She read it to herself and took it back before I had time to swoop in and read it. I had to settle for asking her what it was like. But now I’ll try and seek it out again!

  3. Tracey M. Cox says:

    Susanna, You mean we get to crack a whip & have brownies?!!!? Count me in! LoL!

    Hi Heather. While I do like the way your pitch is going, the last part threw me a little. If the children seem to have their own light, why would the dog want to fetch them the sun? Unless their light is artifical? Like a flashlight or something? I do like your play on sunny disposition & foggy. I think with a little clearing up (for me at least) it would be a definite yes, I would read it.
    Good luck.

    • hethfeth says:

      Yes, thanks Tracey. It is a little muddled in that respect. He sort of loses his sunny disposition (briefly) because he can’t get out of the fog. Then the children lift his spirits and they help each other out. I can see where that’s confusing.

  4. ptnozell says:

    I would definitely read this story! And I think an illustrator will love it, too.

    Susanna, fairly well organized & eat very little chocolate. We should chat!

    Happy Spring holidays!

  5. julie rowan zoch says:

    I own that book, Susanna, and I also love the 1950 movie, but haven’t bothered with the new version.
    I would read it, but I will say the title and pitch sound like a middle grade mystery to me.

  6. Gabi Snyder says:

    Congrats, Ashley!

    Heather, you know I’d read it (full disclosure: I’ve read this story)! I love the mysterious fog and this intriguing situation. This comment may be based more on reading the story than on the pitch, but I’d like some hint as to what Dog needs/gains in the story in addition to what he does for others. Good luck with this super-promising story!

    • hethfeth says:

      Thanks, Gabi! You’ve been so supportive of my efforts with this story. I’m happy to have you as a reader! The story’s been going through some changes lately (as you know, it’s posted now at 12×12). The pitch posted here applies to the story as it stood several days ago. When I go back and revise the pitch, I’ll need to mention that Dog is happy to roam and never have a home; he doesn’t want to be weighed down. But his experience in Foggy Basin changes his perspective of what “home” means. For sure, I’m still floundering around, trying to solidify my theme. But finding a “home” is part of it, for sure.

  7. Genevieve Petrillo says:

    I would definitely read this! Dogs and sunshine – count me in! Pitch-wise, I’m curious about what the dog does to bring sunshine, and what makes those 3 kids so sunny. Maybe a hint in the pitch… My dog Cupcake brings sunshine in a million ways every day, so she will likely swear the book is about her! Sheesh! Good luck with it.

  8. Keila Dawson says:

    Nom, nom, nom! Chocolate!

    Story sounds intriguing, yep, I would read it. I would ask why he’s not free…makes me think the kids want to keep him. If so, that would make the dog unhappy too if he is a stray. Maybe just say that if it’s the case and we get the idea he likes being a stray?

  9. Angela Brown says:

    Gah! I’m so late for the snacks – erm – post and comments.

    Congrats to the pitch winner and good luck, Susanna in finding someone who can get your as organizationally fit as you want to be. I wish I could but as we are three months into the new and I’ve got none of my projects done when I should have 3 done by now, well, I’d be of little to no use.

    As for WYRI, I experienced a weird feeling of wanting to read it when Dog brightened their day then not sure if I wanted to read it when I found out he wasn’t allowed to leave then back to wanting to read it when Dog was off to fetch the sun for the town.So I guess that puts me on the yes side.

  10. Iza Trapani says:

    A stray dog with a sunny disposition wanders into a town that’s always blanketed by fog—and can’t find the way out. Dog brightens the lives of the gloomy townsfolk, but when he realizes he’s not free to leave, he gradually loses hope. That’s when he meets a trio of children who seem to carry a light of their own, and decides it’s his job to fetch them the sun.

    Am I too late for the job interview, Susanna? I’d love to work for brownies:-)

    Heather, as some other readers suggested, there is some confusion with the light and the sun. I, wondered if you were speaking metaphorically or if the children carry a physical light. And, in either case, why would they need the sun? Like, Julie, I also think this sounds more like a middle grade story. In any case, it sounds intriguing and I’d love to read it!

  11. Iza Trapani says:

    OOPS!, I had copy/pasted the pitch to refer to it in my comment. Feel free to take that part out, Susanna 🙂 Also feel free to take out my typo commas. I’m sure former copy editor, Heather, would appreciate that! 🙂

  12. Maria Marshall (@MariaMarshall_) says:

    Heather, I am intrigued by your pitch. especially with the insight from Gabi. But I am also confused as to where the kids come from. If the whole town is gloomy, does he spark the “light” in the children? Was it always there and he had not met them before? I agree that the pitch needs a bit more about what is at stake for the dog and how he tries and fails to leave. Good luck with it, the story is interesting.

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