Hello Everyone!
It’s Would You Read It Wednesday once again – hooray!
And today we’re lucky enough to have Straight From The Editor for September and October as well, thanks to our esteemed and generous editor, Erin Molta!
Let’s jump right in, shall we?
The winner of the September Pitch Pick was Kim with her pitch for P.I. Goat: The Case of the Missing Bone (PB ages 4-8)
You will recall Kim’s pitch:
P.I. Goat has just opened his private investigator office when Puddles, a puppy, hires him to find Paw-Paw’s bone. Elderly Paw-Paw thinks Goat is a pig, but Goat has a worse problem: he faints when startled! A cast of wacky animals helps Goat discover the surprising truth behind the Case of the Missing Bone and that being a P.I. is not for the faint of heart—KLUNK!
Erin says:
I think this is super cute. I would just trim it a bit as below. No need to specify that Puddles is a puppy, since you say cast of wacky animals and that they’re looking for a bone.
Puddles hires Goat, a P.I, to find Paw-Paw’s bone. Elderly Paw-Paw thinks Goat is a pig, but Goat has a worse problem: he faints when startled! A cast of wacky animals helps Goat discover the surprising truth behind the Case of the Missing Bone and Goat realizes that being a P.I. is not for the faint of heart—KLUNK!
The winner of the October Pitch Pick was Sri with her pitch for Mighty Little Nikita (PB/ER ages 4-8)
You will recall Sri’s pitch:
Nikita’s friends call her “Little Nikita” because she is really small but Nikita does not like it a wee bit. When a huge dragonfly enters the class, it scares the jelly out of everyone, except Little Nikita. Nikita shows everyone just how brave she can be even when facing a scary insect, thus earning a new nickname that she is absolutely proud of.
Erin says:
This is nice but I think it would work better if it were more specific and active and for the pitch you should tell the editor the nickname. See what I’ve suggested below.
Nikita’s friends call her “Little Nikita” and she does not like it a wee bit. When a huge dragonfly enters the class, it scares the jelly out of everyone, except Little Nikita. Nikita faces down that big scary insect, thus earning a new nickname ((which is what?)).
As always, I find Erin’s thoughts very enlightening! I hope you all do too! Thank you, Erin, for helping us all become better pitchers! 🙂
And now, I believe, is the perfect moment for Something Chocolate! (Because is any moment not perfect for Something Chocolate???!!! 🙂 )
Hmmm….. what should we have? I could go for a little Chocolate Trifle (or a lot), how about you? (Trifle always makes me think of the episode of Friends where Rachel makes the trifle with a layer of beef sautéed with peas and onions 🙂 Luckily this trifle is all chocolate!)
Chocolate Trifle
Recipe HERE at Tasty Food Videos
YUM! Rich, creamy and delicious! The perfect start to any morning! 🙂 (And yes, okay it’s basically glorified pudding 🙂 Call it pudding with ambition… pudding with an attitude… pudding with delusions of grandeur! 🙂 )
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Rena. Rena Traxel is a writer-librarian and STEAM enthusiast. She writes contemporary young adult novels, chapter book mysteries, and Canadian tinged picture books. She can be found online www.renatraxel.com or on Instagram @writer_librarian
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Iggy Crane: The Case of the Missing Bolt
Age/Genre: Chapter Book mystery (ages 7-9)
The Pitch: A mystery is brewing in Monster Hollow. Young Iggy Crane must find Franko Stein’s missing bolt in time to save their science fair project. Can Iggy follow in her great uncles sleuthing footsteps, or she is nothing but a fraud! Nancy Drew: Clues Crew meets Sleepy Hollow.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rena improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in March, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Rena is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to writing a story today which features pudding! What kind of pudding? Chocolate, of course! But where should the pudding be? Who should make it, buy it, or eat it? Spill it, trade it, or sell it at a corner Pudding Stand (who needs lemonade?!) Make Way For Pudding? The Little Pudding That Could? The Pudding Man? Okay… needs a little work 🙂
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
OMG! I love Iggy Crane and Franco Stein, playing on classic literary character names. That’s clever. I would read it. I am curious if the uncle also has a well-known literary name? I would add a hint of something that shows Iggy is a fraud. Good luck. Sounds fun!
Thank you!
The title and names had me at the get-go. So, yes, I would read it. I do agree w/Nadine about the fraud. I want details some sort there, Rena. Goo luck with this. Sound effect for a chapter book.
Thank you. I debated over the title.
Edited to say, Good luck, not “goo,” that would be the trifle or Susanna’s pudding. LOL
Yes. I would read this. Your first sentence is great! The names pulled me in right away and let me know that this will be a fun read. But the next sentence left me curious to know just a little bit more. Can you add something about why Iggy might think she is a fraud without giving too much away? Obstacles she faces? Thanks for sharing and good luck!
Yes, and thank you.
The intended audience is very clear from tone and comps. The tie-ins to known stories/characters are fun & engaging. I’d like to know more about how the bolt matters – is it part of the science project or is it more of a health concern for Franko?
Thanks. And something for me to think about. I do have more about the bolt in other pitches.
Hi Rena, I love the literary character names and mash up of two classics, with a modern twist of Iggy being female. I, too, was a bit confused if the bolt was needed for the project or Franko or perhaps Franko is the project? I’d also like to know why Iggy believes she is a fraud, perhaps by mentioning one or two of her missteps.
Erin’s remarks on the September & October pitches is enlightening, as always.
And that pudding, Susanna – such yummy possibilities. Thanks for the inspiration!
Thank you.
Should I know who Iggy’s uncle is, or am I a clueless idiot? Is he another well-known character or just an uncle? I would definitely read this. It is just clever enough without trying too hard. I like that the names slide off the tongue easily and aren’t tongue twisting overachievers. I would love to know what their science project is. Good luck.
Thank you. And good to know their names work (they sounded fine to me but knowing others hear them say is great!)
I am a maybe. I like the concept, but struggle with understanding what this story is really about. I need a little more clarity.
You provide a good beginning. I get the flavor of the characters and the problem. I like mysteries.
In the second sentence, you expand that idea and I get to meet the characters and provided their problem. Okay, I can see this as a problem.
Then, in the third sentence, I am provided another problem, only I am not sure if I should care. This is posed as a question (yes, I know you used and exclamation point) and with the information I have, I don’t know if it is compelling enough for me to continue. If this is the main problem and the others are a means to an end, then I think it should be in the opening sentence, or at least with the science fair sentence.
Example: All eyes are on Iggy Crane when a mystery begins to brew in Monster Hollow. Franko Stein has lost the lightening bolt for their science fair project and Iggy worries that she will never live up to her great uncle’s legendary sleuthing footsteps.
I like your revision of my pitch better than my original. Thanks!
I would read this. The names are great. You have some great suggestions from everyone else above. So i don’t have much to add. I’ll just say good luck with this. =)
Thank you.
I’m a yes and actually laughed when I read the name “Franko Stein.” Love the clever word play and I think the stakes are clear that without the bolt her monster won’t work. I’m not sure if you’re saying she’s a fraud or she fears she’s a fraud as a sleuth. Is her uncle Sherlock Holmes? Is this a three-way mashup? Oh my, I am very interested in finding out more.
Thank you. I will have to make it more clear who her uncle is (not Sherlock but that certainly could be fun!)
Hi Rena, This sounds so intriguing! Love your first sentence. It pulled me in right away. I want to know immediately what the mystery is and you proved the answer in your second sentence. Yay! But it needs to be tied up but not in a question format. This is where MATTHEWLASLEY’s comment/suggestion works well.
Here’s my suggestion:
A mystery is brewing in Monster Hollow when Iggy Crane sets out to find Franko Stein’s missing science fair project. But when she thinks about her great uncle’s legendary sleuthing skills, she begins to lose her self-confidence and thinks she is nothing but a fraud.
I hope it helps you get this pitch to where you want it to be😊.
Cheers, PALPBKIDS
Thank you so much!