Good Wednesday to you, my friends!
What’s new and exciting in your lives?
I don’t mean to make you jealous, but it’s pretty much non-stop fun and games here on Blueberry Hill where the dogs and I entertain ourselves with such tried-and-true favorite activities as vacuuming, laundry, sweeping leaves out of the garage, and dusting. (I know! What times are these when Susanna Hill is reduced to dusting?! 😊) Violet is especially helpful, doing her energetic best to protect me from the vacuum, abscond with every single sock she can get her little jaws on, pounce on every leaf, and grab the dust cloths and run away with them, refusing to be caught. Scout contributes by shedding so I have something to vacuum and dust 😊
The weather is getting colder. Yesterday it actually snowed at my house for a little while, and today the expected high temperature is only 34 degrees, so I think the perfect Something Chocolate is Hot Cocoa Cookies! Doesn’t that sound good?
Hot Cocoa Cookies
I think they’d be extra delicious with some hot cocoa! You can never have too much chocolate, especially on a chilly day! I mean, let’s face it – we need to be well-fueled because we’re burning an outrageous number of calories just staying warm! Or we would be if we didn’t have central heating and/or a fireplace or wood stove 😊
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Diana who says, “I am Diana Lynn Gibson, a retired teacher who never gave up her passion for children’s picture books. There are more picture books on my bookshelves than novels- and what serious children’s book writer does not? And the funnier, the better. Come on over and we’ll giggle together! Here’s my spinoff on Little Red Riding Hood.”
Find her on the web at
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Little Witch Zooming Broom
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Look up! There she zips again. Now she’s off to Grandma’s house with her basket of Trick-or-Treat goodies. But when Werewolf tries to trick Little Witch Zooming Broom, he finds she has tricks of her own under her hat.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Diana improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in January, so you have time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Diana is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to writing something new if I can get Violet to take a nap long enough for me to put two sentences together! 😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I remember when I was reading classic children’s fairy tales to my daughter, she would get very indignant about the way some of the characters were treated and would offer up her own “revisionist” versions of the stories so that the abused characters would triumph in the end through their own powerful means. So yes, I would definitely read this!
Thank you so much for your info! I truly appreciate you taking a look!
Love the initial energy of the pitch and the remake of a classic for a perennial holiday is so clever. ‘Little Witch Zooming Broom’ is a bit unzippy to say/read. And while ‘Zooming’ is a fun word, maybe ‘Riding’ would help folks get the connection more quickly while still fitting your story logic. For a more story-specific finish, I’d love a little hint about what the (rather generically noted) tricks under her hat are.
Thank you! That title IS difficult to say. I’ll certainly have a go at hinting about her tricks!
I love the Halloween twist on the Little Red story, and I would read this. I agree with Katie, though, that the character name is a mouthful. I’m also not sure that the lead-in to your pitch is necessary as it doesn’t offer clues to the werewolf’s or Little Witch’s tricks – something I’d like to learn more about.
Great info here! I’ll be working on this!
Fairy tale and holiday mashups are fun! What I’m wondering after reading the pitch is how this tale is different from Little Red Riding Hood–besides using the Halloween setting. Good luck with this story!
Thank you for taking a look! I tried to keep this story close to the original story, and yes it does use the Halloween setting for this. I geared it toward 3-7 year olds.
I would definitely read this – love the Halloween setting. I think naming the character earlier would add to the understanding of the Little Red Riding Hood connection. Maybe start with “Little Witch is off to Grandma’s house with her basket of Trick-or-Treat goodies.” I would also like to have a little tease about what the tricks involved are, maybe using some of the language from the text. Good luck with this!
Thank you so much for your suggestion! This gives me some idea of where to go. I appreciate it! Thank you for taking a look.
Over here (miles to the west) we, too, are busy sweeping leaves out of the garage – though holding off on shoveling in hopes the small amount of snow will just melt away…
I’m always up for a fun new take on a much loved story. I agree with Katie that “little witch zooming broom” is a lip-twister – and in a pitch I would want to know a couple of the tricks under her hat. While “zooming broom” is hard to say, “zoom broom” isn’t.
Thanks for taking a look and for your comment Sue. That title will surely need a change!
I love Halloween and fairy tales and I will read it as I enjoy retellings. The name, Little Witch Zooming Broom can be changed to make it more catchy.
Thanks for taking a peek! I appreciate your input!
Yes, sounds fun, the pitch has a lot of energy and I like retellings!
Maybe adding “Little Red Riding Hood x Halloween” (or something of the sort) at the end might help show the gist without having to give away the twist of what Zooming Broom’s tricks are.
Excellent! Thank you!
Yes, sounds like an adorable mashup. I agree about the name – so hard to kill our darlings – maybe retain some of the fun with something like “Little Witch zooms her broom over to gramma’s house . . . ” also love the tricks and treats references but the sentence is a bit vague and could benefit from more specificity about Werewolf’s tricks, is he trying to trick her out of the treats for example?
Great sentence starter Karen! I do have to work on that story name it seems. And great questions to ponder in the remaking of my pitch! Thank you!
I agree with many of the previous comments. I also think the word ‘zoom’ is too loaded with other meaning these days. When I read the pitch I thought maybe she was gong to bring in some other friends online. Some other word like ‘whoosh’ or ‘zip’ might convey what you’re trying to say without the modern connotation.
Wry interesting point you make about “zooming”. I never considered that!
I say yes to this pitch. The comments offered are ones I agree with so no need to repeat them.
Continue staying safe and warm on Blueberry Hill, Susanna 🙂
Thanks for taking a look Angela! I appreciate yours and all the comments about this!
I’m a YES! I love fairy tale retellings and I love Halloween. So many wonderful hooks! Agree about the name but think that’s an easy fix! 🙂
Thanks Nicole! I appreciate you taking a look. Oh…that name!
Yes! I would read this mixed up fairy tale. Also agree with the title comments listed above. I do think that it will be an easy fix too! 🙂
Thanks for taking a peek and for your reply. I do have some work to do on this!
I would read the story, but more based on the comments here than the pitch itself. The story idea sounds great and I completely agree with the others on the name and the use of “zoom”. Maybe try something along the lines of Orange Riding Hood?? I didn’t get at first glance it was a Halloween story, since I went right to “treats for grandma” so I would definitely play up the Little Red Riding Hood in Halloween times in the pitch. This sounds like a fun story and an improved pitch should make it soar!
Great info Jamie. I do need to make this sound more Halloweenie! I so appreciate your comment and your help!
I think the idea is fantastic and one that never gets old.
I agree not to use the word ‘zoom’. Who would have thought it! Hah!
Perhaps add a tone of the book to the pitch that mimics the story?
This would give the agent or editor an idea of your writing style and storyline.