Howdy, friends! I hope you’re all having a great week so far!
If you’re looking for a little writing inspiration or something to read – to yourself or to any kiddos you spend time with – check out the Mix ‘n’ Match Mini Writing Challenge Week 1! There are a whole bunch of fun stories up already for your reading pleasure – short and entertaining – and if you’re inspired to write, I encourage you to join in. There are some great prizes on offer for writers who complete the challenge!
Since nothing goes better with reading and writing than a little Something Chocolate, please help yourself to some of this delicious Old Fashioned Chocolate Maraschino Cherry Cake!
Old Fashioned Chocolate Maraschino Cherry Cake
YUM! Mouth-wateringly chocolate-y, and so cheerful and springy with that pretty pink cherry filling! (Plus cherries = fruit = healthy choice 😊)
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Katie who says, “I am a children’s book writer (non-published as of now), pursuing this now that my three boys are grown and gone. My hubby and I live in Colorado with one little rescue pup who has the honor of being my best hiking buddy. And sometimes we run around in circles! Well, he is an Agility dog . . . “
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Friends ‘Round The Bend
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Pip’s journey to fix his no-good nose takes a detour as he hikes deep into the forest meeting forlorn critters who need his help. But when it’s time for him to head for home, the solitary journey leaves him lost – again – and he fears his trailblazing days may be over.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Katie improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in May, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Katie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to reading lots more fun stories as the Mix ‘n’ Match Mini Writing Challenge continues!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Dog lovers will maybe fetch “Friends ‘Round The Bend” off the shelves if they have more to go on. It’s tricky to critique a pitch without the manuscript and while realizing that a pitch is not a synopsis, I have questions.
QUESTIONS #1-2: Might you throw us a bone (sorry…) to give a hint what Pip does to fix his nose? Does the story deliver on that promise?
QUESTIONS #3-5: Why is he alone if he ran into others in the forest? Does he help them? Do they help him?
QUESTION #6: How might the title match my expectations of a trailblazing rescue dog?
Thank for your comments!
This sounds like an interesting story! The “no-good nose” had me stumped at first, it’s not clear who (or what) your MC is. What must happen for him to “fix” his nose/problem?
Will rewrite, thanks! This was originally a Twitter pitch, so it is short, for sure!
The energy seems fun and there are hints of lots of action. But the pitch prompts lots of questions – What kind of critter/person is Pip? How is his nose no good? Who or what in the forest can fix it? Are the critters forlorn as a group or in individual ways? Does Pip help any or is that not part of his quest? Is getting lost part of the nose problem? If so, how? Did he trailblaze or was he lost?
Thank you, rewriting this now!
Hi Katie! Your story intrigues me but I’m wondering who was going to help fix Pip’s nose…a vet? How did he end up in a forest? If Pip helps the forest critters, do they help him? I think you can hint at some of these plot points to help us know what’s at stake for Pip. And what does he takeaway from his experience? Does he make friends? Does he find some way to get back home without using his no-good nose?
A few more details in your pitch and you’ll have lots of readers wanting to know Pip’s
story! Best of luck!
I keep trying to be more concise in what I’m writing, looks like I was a little too concise! Thank you!
Hi, Katie! I’m a Yes because I’m drawn to a main character stopping to help out others on his journey, but I’m not sure what his journey is. Pip needs to fix his nose, I assume it’s no-good because of a lost sense of smell since he gets lost “again” on his way home (so he got lost on his way there too?) does he have allergies? porcupine quills? old age? c-vid? I think a couple well-placed details will have readers howling with delight. Good luck!
Thank you for your comment, and new ideas!
Hi Katie! It looks like you have loads of suggestions on how to improve your pitch for what sounds like a sweet and very kid-friendly story. I really like how “no-good nose” trips off the tongue, but I’m curious why it’s no-good: can Pip not follow the scent home, or does his nose lead him into danger? And what could fix it? Adding a few more clues to Pip’s problem and its solution will cause us all to want to follow his tale (apologies for a bad pun)! Good luck revising your pitch!
Thank you, yes, have new thoughts now as I revise, someday I’ll get there, LOL!
Hi Katie many great questions have been asked and that’s a good thing because it has your readers wanting more. Just dig a little deeper and bring it home. Lots of support here.
Thank you, appreciate the support!
I am a yes because I have a feeling your story is going to answer the questions I have about the pitch. That being said, I think your pitch could be spruced up a bit. I am assuming Pip is a dog based on the description of you, but you might want to make that clear in your pitch. Also, in my experience with dogs, their sense of smell is amazing so if Pip is getting lost could it be his sense of direction that is lacking or maybe he doesn’t want to go home. Focusing on his nose needing to be fixed doesn’t make me think of sense of smell. Good luck with your pitch revision. I definitely want to read the story.
Thank you, I hope everyone gets to read it at some point. Now it’s actually 2 stories (a sequel!), as, contrary to my pitch, it was tooo long!
Maybe. I loved the idea of getting lost by following his nose and the title is terrific. I lost the thread as the pitch when on. Is it about getting his nose fixed or learning to love it? Is it about helping animals who teach him something about his nose? Does he often get lost following his nose? Or did I get fixated on the nose and that is not the point at all? If your pitch was only 1 sentence, what would it be? I love the concept – just not getting a clear direction. best wishes!
I was thinking – keep the reader guessing, but obviously I went overboard! Thank you for your feedback!
Hi Katie, Yes, I would be interested in reading this story. I’m intrigued by why Pip has a “no-good nose” — that might help set the stage a bit more. Has he lost a skill he use to be expert at and is dealing with confidence issues? Will the critters he meets build it back up (“I get by with a little help from my friends” kind of story?). Thanks for the peek!
Thank you, another revision for the pitch is in the works!
Hi Katie, Nice to meet you. It’s a yes from me. But I feel the pitch needs a few more clues to help me understand the nuts and bolts of the story. I was also intrigued about Pip’s nose, and why it needed fixing? Trailblazing days? Is he an old dog? Love the idea of him helping others along the way. But just felt I needed a few lose ends tied up to really hook me.
Thank you! Hope my story isn’t as confusing as the pitch was🙄!
Pitches are tricky things. I find getting the balance between too much info and not enough, really difficult to gauge. Best of luck with your story and writing career Katie.
I love your title and started making pictures in my head as I read your pitch – words and phrases like detour, forlorn critters, and trailblazing days really work here!
Thank you! I sometimes get carried away by ‘language’ and had shortened this pitch to fit into a tweet, but I went a little too far!
Yes, I would read it! Sounds like a fun tale! Just a few tweaks as noted above! 🙂
A little late responding, but thank you for commenting. I guess I run into difficulty explaining the story in a limited number of characters. But I haven’t given up, thanks for your comments!
The concept pulled me in right away! Yes! I would read this in a heartbeat.
Great usage of descriptive words, too. But when you use ‘ meeting critters along the way’, ‘solitary journey’ and ‘trailblazing day’, I get confused. If he’s meeting critters along the way, he’s not solitary. If he’s out to find a way to fix his no-good nose, how is this trailblazing?
I know you have the answers in your head, just show us:) Can’t wait to read it one day soon!
Hi Katie, First off, love the title. Secondly, pitches are SO HARD! Third, I’m a yes. Dog stories are so kid friendly.
As others have mentioned, a few additional details to explain the nose problem and/or how Pip plans to solve his problem will create that extra curiosity that you want readers to have so they will pick up your book.
Good luck with this.
Thank you for commenting, I’m still working on this!
I think dog lovers will be intrigued by Pip’s adventures. I haven’t read a book about a troublesome nose before. I think it could be quite humorous.
Thank you, I hope it is humorous, at least parts, and some heartwarming parts also! Thank you for commenting!
My pleasure. I wish you success with your story.