Hurray! It’s Would You Read It Wednesday once again!
And speaking of reading, if you haven’t had a chance to read the stories that have been posted in the Mix ‘n’ Match Mini Writing Challenge so far, hop on over and enjoy! There are so many – clever, entertaining, and fun! (I mean, stories with titles like A Horse For Hermit Crab and There Was A Mean Cowboy Who Lassoed A Bee really make you want to read them, speaking of Would You Read It!) And if you’re inspired to join in and write some of your own, even better! Check out Week #1 and Week #2!
And since you’ll probably need something to snack on while you’re reading and/or writing Mix ‘n’ Match stories, how about a little Something Chocolate? I’m thinking Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake, because that sounds like breakfast, right? 😊
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake
YUM! We’re going to definitely need a glass of milk or a cup of coffee with THAT! 😊
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Sandy who says, “I am a retired teacher and came to admire the undervalued turkey vulture while teaching sixth-grade life science. Simon Soars has been floating around in my head for years and has finally landed on paper.”
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Simon Soars
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 7-11)
The Pitch: Simon, a timid turkey vulture, is teased by the blue jays at Aviary Academy because he eats formerly living earth creatures (F.L.E.C.) and he looks peculiar. Despite the jawing of the jays, Simon has an impeccable sense of smell and his teachers hoot over his accomplishments. When the teasing and taunting become too much, he hatches a plan. Simon neglects his “clean-up crew” responsibilities to rachet up the rank fetid funkiness in order to prove his worth. The birds are atwitter and beg Simon to resume his duties. With some negotiations, F.L.E.C. is no longer, “Blech!” and Simon’s confidence soars. He moves up in the pecking order and the air is foul no more.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Sandy improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in June, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!
Sandy is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to seeing what kind of fun I can think up for next week’s Mix ‘n’ Match prompt! I think I’ve got an idea. . . 😊
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
Susanna Leonard Hill 
Oh my – who would have thought the FLEC would ultimately rhyme with Blech! I would difintley read this – I’m a sucker for fowl puns and always have been. However, I think the pitch itself could be tightened upr; it feels like every literary trick has been tossed in, when only enough to give a flavour of the writing style would suffice.
Best of luck with this one Sandy!!
Thank you – great advice!
This sounds utterly delightful!!
I agree with Jamie D. in that it could be tightened up.
Simon has an impeccable sense of smell and his teachers hoot over his accomplishments. But when the jawing of the jays begin to tease and taunt, Simon hatches a plan. With some negotiations, F.L.E.C. is no longer, “Blech!” and Simon’s confidence soars. He moves up in the pecking order and the air is foul no more.
Can’t wait to read this!
Thanks for the ideas – borrowing your words!
Yep. The pitch writing is brilliant – I bet the story is too! Is there a better title since it is not really about flying – for the literal minded. There is great lesson on cycle of life and environment – a hint of that theme in the title would be great. Foul Fowls? F.L.E.C. Feathered Friends? Maybe “Simon” gets a name change to Frankie? So much fun – best wishes!
That gives me something to think about – don’t know if I’m sold on the title either. Thank you!
Love all the puns. They convey action, details, and a fun tone. Clarity suffers, however, in this sentence: Simon neglects his “clean-up crew” responsibilities to rachet up the rank fetid funkiness in order to prove his worth. I can figure it out after reading the next statements, but as is, it’s a bit on the FLEC side…
Thanks for the thoughts!
I am all about some undervalued animals so I’m a definite yes! Especially with all that clever, energetic wordplay. I don’t think there’s anything foul in this fowl pitch, though the age group seems more chapter book than picture. Is your wordcount under 500? Because I think this story would easily appeal to 4-8 yo too. And since picture books are made to be read aloud by an adult, don’t age up just because of big words–that’s how vocabularies grow!
I wondered about the age range – you know dead animals and all – I think you’re right though. The littles can handle vocab and concepts when read aloud by an adult. Thanks for your thoughts!
Sandy, a story about a turkey vulture sounds fascinating with great kid appeal. I can picture the illustrations already! And the back matter.
I agree with the other comments, though, that you could shorten and simplify the pitch. I also agree with Candice that the age range seems unnecessarily high for the story. Can’t wait to read the revised pitch.
And speaking of BLECH, Susanna, have you heard about the cicadas invading the northeast? We saw & heard plenty of them when we visited our daughter in Washington DC this past weekend. Then we came across a chocolate cookie recipe that I’m sure you’ll appreciate: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cicada-cookies-recipe/ Enjoy!
Thank you!
I would read it but, I agree that the age range seems to be on the high side. Maybe 5-8? You might consider simplifying the pitch to actuate the theme without giving away the entire plot of your fun story. Sounds like a super interesting book!
Thanks for the input. I appreciate it!
Yes I would read this! I agree it could be tightened up a bit. However your word play is great! 🙂
Kids love yuck! Kids love Blech! Turkey vultures are notoriously when I’ve seen them doing their “work” in the wild, but this book could make me love them. Agree with all of the comments above! Love the word play, the puns, the rhymes, tightening the pitch and gearing to a younger audience will make this a winner!! Thanks for sharing!
“Notoriously not beautiful” oops forgotten adjective
Hi Sandy,
My initial thought was the age range is pretty broad by what I understand to be industry standards. But as a former 6th grade teacher (who adored using picture books in class )I think YES! That age range would love this book! I chuckled out loud! Combining word play and a fun story with informational text is brilliant. You know how YA is a fairly recent genre? I think upper grade picture books need to be the next big “thing”. All the best to you!
And thanks Susanna! My daughter will want to make this recipe. Yum!