Would You Read It Wednesday #400 – Welcome To The Word Factory (PB)

Hi there, everyone!

Wow! It seems like forever since we had a Would You Read It! It’s really only been a couple weeks, but Halloweensie kind of takes over the world 😊

Somehow we’re halfway through November! – how did THAT happen?! – and just 8 days away from Thanksgiving. I am cooking and have barely given it a thought and still don’t know exactly how many I’m cooking for. But you know me. I’m a daredevil. Live life on the edge – that’s me! Leave it to the last minute! That’s my motto 😊

Oh, no, wait. My motto is EAT CHOCOLATE CAKE!

Right now!

Let’s have Something Chocolate!

Since today is our pitcher’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Deborah!!! 😊🎈🎁🎉) I feel pretty sure we can’t go wrong with 24 layers of chocolatey goodness! Grab a fork(lift!) and dig in!

24 Layer Chocolate Cake

Recipe HERE at OMG Chocolate Desserts

YUM! And since we’re celebrating a birthday, help yourselves to seconds and thirds!

Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from birthday girl Deborah. Deborah Foster is a mother, an architectural drafter, and a fantastic cook. She is a member of 12×12, Inked Voices, and SCBWI. She is always looking for more writing friends on Twitter. Follow her @DeborahClaytonF or check out her blog at www.deborahfosterbooks.com.

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Welcome To The Word Factory

Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)

The Pitch: Come along on a tour of The Word Factory and listen as EP (exclamation point) explains how words are discovered, spelled, and defined. Despite the repeated interruptions from Oxford, EP is unaware of the growing problem until the tour arrives at the lunchroom where they find a messed up menu and hangry punctuation marks. Thankfully, EP knows the perfect punctuation needed, “Oh Oxford!”

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Deborah improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read it in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above.  There are openings in January, so you have a little time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on by editor Erin Molta!

Deborah is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to cleaning my house!

No. You’re right. That is a total falsehood!

How about this? I am looking forward to my house being clean!

That is completely true. I just wish Violet would do the cleaning. But she is busy with other things 😊

Someone needs to savagely chew this toy into a billion pieces and leave them all over the rug! Leave it to me! I’m a total pro!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊

34 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday #400 – Welcome To The Word Factory (PB)

  1. Jamie Donahoe says:

    Well, I love words about as much as I love chocolate, so the title alone had me intrigued and I would read the story. I am hoping the story is quite funny and if that’s the case, it might be helpful, Deborah, if your pitch matches the tone of the story a bit more, ie perhaps has a bit more of a hint of the mayhem or the humour in it. Or consider framing the pitch as an example of the way words work could reinforce the scenario.

    Taking a stab at the central line, perhaps try something like, “Despite Oxford’s repeated efforts to communicate with him, EP is unaware of the punctuation pickle occurring at the plant until the tour arrives at the lunchroom and they find a messed up menu and hangry punctuation marks.”

    Good luck with this story – sounds fantabulous!

  2. mattsnyder1970 says:

    As for the pitch Maybe ? The last line doesn’t grab me. I tried to imagine reading this as a 4 year old and I don’t think a 4 year old would comprehend the tone or delivery of that line.

  3. robincurrie1 says:

    Maybe – I love and recognize Oxford, but I live in that rarified Writer World where he MATTERS! Not sure many ages 4-8 do. The concept of a mixed up word factory is super! The characters, though, seem to be more punctual (rum shot!) than vocabulary. Good luck with this – it has great potential!

  4. eleanorannpeterson says:

    Regarding that cake Susanna, OMG! I have a friend that would love it. By the way, Deborah, Happy Birthday. I believe that students learn to recognize and use common punctuation marks in grades 2 and 3. I may be mistaken. Therefore, perhaps the age range should be between 7 to 9 IMO. I would read it. It sounds like a fun and humorous story. I think Jamie Donahoe nailed the center line. Well done Deborah!

  5. ptnozell says:

    Hi Deborah! Happy birthday! I would read this, but I agree with Jamie that the pitch could provide more clues to the problem. Maybe something along the lines of:

    EP (exclamation point) explains how words are discovered, spelled, and defined during a Word Factory tour. But Oxford’s repeated interruptions threaten to cause a problem, when the tour arrives at the lunchroom to find a messed-up menu featuring (GIVE A FEW EXAMPLES HERE) and hangry punctuation marks. Thankfully, EP knows the perfect punctuation needed, “Oh Oxford!”

    I hope these suggestions help as you reframe the pitch for what looks to be a super funny story!

    Susanna, I think more chocolate on the menu will solve your Thanksgiving cooking dilemma!

  6. Eileen Mayo says:

    Happy Birthday Deb!!!

    I agree with Patricia. Adding a little insight into what kind of mayhem awaits in the lunchroom is the type of detail that will pull your readers in. Also, since the title is about The Word Factory, I am anticipating that there’s going to be lots of mixed-up words instead of confused punctuation. Did the the hamburgers turn into blanddurbers or ham burgers or clam herders?

    I would totally read this. It is so fun and the premise is great! Happy birthday Deb!!!

  7. Sue Heavenrich says:

    Given that there was an entire lawsuit about a missing oxford comma, this sounds fun! I can see a mixed up menu at the punctuation cafe, maybe: hamburger, french fries, pickles and milk. (I would be very hangry about that!)

  8. rosecappelli says:

    I think you have a great premise here, but I had to read the pitch several times before I could start imagining it. I think it would help to reword that first sentence to be a little more attention grabbing. When I first read it I almost thought the story would be more informational and serious rather than funny. Great potential! Good luck!

  9. ingridboydston says:

    I love the cake and the pitch! I do wonder if the pitch is aimed a little high? The audience for most picture books won’t understand a coma, let alone the Oxford Comma joke. HOWEVER, if the story manages to entertain and perhaps enlighten despite that, this could be a winner with fun for both the reader and listeners! I say keep working on it, the premise is full of fun!

  10. Jeannette Suhr says:

    Happy Birthday Deborah! And Susanna – that cake looks delicious!
    I would read your story and I would suggest to perhaps simplify your pitch as follows –

    EP (!) takes us on a tour of the Word Factory and explains how words are discovered, spelled, and defined. Oxford Dictionary interrupts often (maybe an example here) and EP is unaware of the growing problem until they find a messed up menu and hangry punctuation marks at the lunchroom. Insert more examples here

    Good luck with this. Can’t wait to read!

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