And welcome back to my little corner of the blogosphere and Would You Read It!
I hope you all had wonderful holidays full of love and family and celebration and other good things!
I think it’s important to bring it to your attention that today is National Whipped Cream Day. I believe we can all agree that everything is better with whipped cream on it since people put it on everything from fruit to hot chocolate to pancakes and waffles. And I feel in my bones that there is a picture book in the idea of putting whipped cream on things that don’t normally get chosen for the honor. Elephants? Circus tents? Teachers? Pets? Jumbo jets? Sand castles? The moon? A giant striped hot air balloon? Seems like the sky’s the limit! Or maybe how you might make whipped cream if you didn’t have any cream. . . or a traditional way to whip it. . .😊 A little something to get you thinking and maybe help you out on your idea for the day if you’re doing Tara Lazar’s Storystorm this month!
A little Something Chocolate would most certainly fuel our creativity. How about some Peanut Butter Chocolate Half Moons?
Peanut Butter Chocolate Half Moons
Delicious and nutritious! Looks like breakfast to me! 😊
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Patti who says, “I’m a part-time teacher, looking to make it big and see my name in lights! Just kidding, looking to insert a little humour into a book in a child’s hands 😊”
Find her on the web at:
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Dragon Is Out Of Here
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Dragon is out of here, leaving his ‘same old’ book and flying off to find a better spot in one of the other books on his shelf. But the grass isn’t any greener with the Big Bad Wolf, the Old Woman in the Shoe, or Sleeping Beauty. After a close call with Old MacDonald, Dragon rediscovers his own story where he can fly, breathe fire, and be his true self.
So what do you think? Would you read it? YES, MAYBE, or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If you answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Patti improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It, or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the menu bar above. There are openings in February, so you could get your pitch up pretty soon for helpful feedback and a chance to have it read and commented on my editor Erin Molta!
Patti is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! I am looking forward to what ideas I will think up for Storystorm – always such a great way to start the year!
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 😊
32 thoughts on “Would You Read It Wednesday # 403 – Dragon Is Out Of Here (PB)”
I think this sounds like loads of fun. I can’t help but smile as I wonder what a close call with Old MacDonald might entail! There’s a clear MC, problem and theme and several angles for hook. I am definitely not the expert, so I’m not sure I can suggest any improvements, but lots of people on here are and have helped me so much with my pitches. My response is definitely a big YES, I would read it. Good luck.
Thanks so much for your enthusiastic response for Patti, Melissa! I know she’ll appreciate it!
Thank you Melissa!
Maybe! Patti, this is a fun concept! And you do a great a job of communicating Dragon’s adventures in these other literary worlds. Is Character the star of the pitch, or Theme? And either way, is the heart of Dragon’s problem that he’s tired of the “same old book” (ha!), or that he needs to find his true self? Defining this would, I think, really amp up the stakes, too. Finally, there is such humor in the scenario, and this could be more expressed in the pitch–maybe reflect more of the style of the story. Thanks for the fun read and the learning opportunity you’re giving all of us!
Thanks so much for your helpful and constructive comments for Patti, Sue!
Thank you – adding details!
Hi Patti! YES, I would read this book. I like the idea of the fractured fairy tales throughout. My one comment is, I’m wondering why he doesn’t feel the grass is greener. At the end, he’s back in his book and able to fly, breathe fire, and be himself. But presumably, he was already able to do those things before he ever left his own book. Is it that he discovered he was UNable to do those things in the other fairy tales and now he appreciates what he had back in his book? Maybe the pitch could give us juuust a tiny bit more detail? But yes, overall, I love the sound of it and I would read it! 😀
Thank you Jessica – very helpful!
Thanks so much for helping Patti find an area that might need some clarifying, Jessica!
Fun concept and tone. There’s a ‘no place like home’ thread so maybe a fractured Oz element can make an appearance, too.
Thanks for your helpful ideas for Patti, Katie!
Thank you Katie!
Susanna, thanks for sharing that whipped cream gets its own day! Who knew?
Patti, I would read this – fractured fairy tales are such fun, and the theme of being true to oneself is evergreen. I agree with Jessica that a few more details could amp up the suspense & humor – what goes wrong in these other stories? Inquiring readers want to know!
I did not know until yesterday that whipped cream had its own day, Patricia! Just goes to show you learn something new every day! And whipped cream certainly deserves a day 😊 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Patti!
Oooo how fun! I would read it – love visiting other books! Is there a connection between the characters he meets? Does he learn something about himself that makes going home important? Go for it!
Thanks so much for your thought-provoking questions for Patti, Robin – very helpful!
Fun idea! I’d be a yes – or a maybe if the illustration style didn’t resonate with me when it is in book format. I love the nice message, the tie for kids with other fairy tales, and the “close call” with Farmer MacDonald – I can imagine really exciting action. I can imagine fabulous and funny illustrations. I wasn’t sure about the “grass isn’t any greener” language – I was trying to think of something more dragon related, but it did made me wonder how he thought he’d fit in the other books when they don’t have a dragon in them. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments for Patti!
Working on the ‘grass is greener’ language – thank you for this helpful observation!
Patti, I’m a definite YES. This sounds like a fun mashup of other familiar stories, which is always appealing. My one question is WHY does dragon want to leave his ‘same old’ book? Out of boredom or to be something different or is he feeling contrary or what?
Susanna, I’m so glad to know it’s National Whipped Cream Day. Almost missed it and that would have been awful. Perfect topping for the Peanut Butter Chocolate Half Moons, right?
Yes! I would definitely read this, Patti. I love fairy tale mashups and retells (would love write my own some day!). Your pitch is well-written and concise, but I think you could let the reader know a little more about why Dragon wants a different story. Is he bored? Does he want to have different adventures? Learn more about the world? Try a different skill? I also agree that “the grass isn’t any greener” phrase may not fit exactly, or maybe it does and we just have to know more of the story to get it. Can you provide a few more details about what Dragon runs into? That might amp up the humor in your pitch. Love this concept and envision an opportunity for hilarious illustrations. Thanks for sharing and good luck!
YES! This is such a cute story idea to insert a dragon into the classic stories that don’t have one. I think this pitch is great
I also liked your bio blurb of wanting to see your name in lights…lol
Thank you Rose! Revising with more details:)
Mom and I would definitely read this. We love dragon books, and all the familiar stories he visits give us the visuals we need for the pitch to work. You might want to give the dragon a name. Dragons (and puppers) should always be allowed to be themselves. #youdoyou.
Love and licks,
Cheers to being yourself! Thank you for your comments:)
The title and the concept are both highly engaging! I would read it! I do think the pitch needs a little more work. Perhaps a more specific description of the stakes? I’d love to hear more about this super fun idea!
Thank you Ingrid! I’m reworking it to include more ‘dragonisms’ 🙂
I’m a yes! My kids love dragons, and learning that there’s no place like home (while discovering yourself along the way – or realizing that home is where you can be your true self) can be such a comforting message. It sounds like a charming romp through the bookshelf, and I can imagine the illustrations would make for a lot of fun!
Reading through some of the comments, suejeanko’s thoughts seem helpful in considering the pitch and ensuring that there is a clear inciting incident.
As for my own suggestions, I have two:
1. The Big Bad Wolf isn’t usually a story on his own (whereas Old MacDonald, The Old Woman in the Shoe, and Sleeping Beauty are the titular characters in their works), so maybe rethink that so they all fit the same mold. In related questions, A) Would this be better if they were all fairy tales for parallelism – though maybe it doesn’t matter because they could easily be on the same shelf? B) And does Dragon come from a recognizable tale as well? If so, maybe mention that, as long as it’s not something recently copyrighted!
2. I would love to see some clever wordplay in your pitch (which is always a tall order, I know!)! If you keep the bit about the grass being greener elsewhere, maybe the Three Billy Goats Gruff (who are literally looking for better grass) would be a good addition?
Such detail – thank you! I like the idea of The Three Billy Goats Gruff. I had several other stories on the dragons route and it was recommended by an editor that i stick to 3 or 4 – humf!
Happy New Year!
So happy whipped cream has a special day!!
I would give a hearty yes to Patti! I always enjoy “fractured fairy tales “! Also, your pitch is well written and concise. However, perhaps you could add a little more detail about the MC and his adventures! Best wishes! 🙂
There seems to be a common thread with the comments: I need more detail. I’m on it! Thanks so much for your thoughts 🙂
This sounds like a great book. We all get tired of being ourselves occasionally and wish our lives were more exciting. But really, it’s best just to be the best us that we can be. I think the message will come through clearly but with a lot of fun and laughs in this book. Yes, I would read it.