Good Morning, Everyone!
It’s Hope-You-Ate-Your-Wheaties Wednesday today!
We have A LOT to do!
(Which means you are excused from me waxing poetic about tomorrow being the first day of Autumn… or doing any form of interpretive dance to celebrate the very-nearly-here season premiere of Gray’s Anatomy… or practicing my sheep-song-in-progress which I’m composing in anticipation of the upcoming NYS Sheep & Wool Festival… or any of my other tomfoolery… because we have no extra time! Lucky you 🙂 )
So let’s get right down to it, shall we?
You’ll be thrilled to know that at long last we are ready for the June and July Pitch Picks, so here goes! (And a little side note: I don’t want to influence your choices by telling you which ones, but one of these pitches is for a story that has since sold for publication, and one of them earned its author a contract with an agent! How awesome is that? WYRI and all the help you guys give each other is really paying off! 🙂 )
June Pitch Pick
Please read through the 5 pitches below and then vote for the one you think most deserving of a read and critique from editor Erin Molta by Sunday September 25 at 5 PM EDT. Winner will be announced next Wednesday (Sept.28)
#1 Susan – BOSSY BIRD (PB ages 3-8)
#2 Greg – THE BATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE (PB ages 3-8)
Bogie wakes up to a strange new smell in his puppy nose. He goes to investigate and discovers a tray of paint in the living room. He dives in and enjoys the wonderful new scent and texture.
His brother discovers a paint soaked Bogie and decides to get him cleaned off before their parents return. His brother uses Bogie’s favorite toys and food to lure him into the bath with no luck. What will it take to give Bogie a bath, or is he destined to remain a colorful pooch forever?
#3 Sam – Crab And Gull (PB ages 4-8)
Gull wants Crab’s sandwich. Crab wants Gull to leave him and his sandwich alone. But when Gull goes missing, Crab’s treat just doesn’t taste as sweet. He packs up his food in search of Gull, and finds that sometimes cooking up a friendship a more important than cooking up a seaweed sandwich.
#4 Lindsay – BREAKDANCE BERTIE (PB ages 3-8)
With a grand-prize pool at stake, Bertie the emu wants to wiggle her way to victory in a breakdancing competition, but when hail destroys the boombox, Bertie and her barnyard pals must build their own beat.
#5 Lydia – Dancing Through Space (PB ages 3-7)
3-2-1- Blast off! Dr. Mae Jemison launches into space and accomplishes her childhood dream. Despite challenges along the way, she never gave up and went on to become the first African-American woman to orbit the earth.
July Pitch Pick
Please read through the 4 pitches below and then vote for the one you think most deserving of a read and critique from editor Erin Molta by Sunday September 25 at 5 PM EDT. Winner will be announced next Wednesday (Sept. 28)
#1 Susan – PIZZA FOR THANKSGIVING? (PB ages 3-8)
#2 PJ – CAMP CRAZY MEATBALLS (PB ages 3-6)
CAMP CRAZY MEATBALLS is a zany picture book about siblings Matt and Morgan. Mom insists they go to camp for a week to break their routine of TV and computer games. But this camp isn’t quite what the kids expected. First, the counselors are talking animals, and second, everything—and I mean EVERYTHING— is made out of meatballs. Even their beds! And meatballs is the only thing on the menu! At first, the kids are thrilled—what kid doesn’t like meatballs—but meatballs morning, noon and night soon drives everyone crazy. In the end, the kids dream up a clever way to solve the dilemma and develop a new appreciation for broccoli.
#3 Robyn – FEAR ON THE MOUNTAIN (Upper MG ages 9-12)
#4 Amy – Grizzie Moon Does NOT Like Cats! (PB ages 3-6)
Phew! All that reading and trying to decide which of those amazing pitches is the MOST amazing and deserves your vote is hard work! I think it’s time for Something Chocolate (though of course when do I ever NOT think that? 🙂 ) How about some No Bake Brownie Batter Cheesecake?!
Recipe HERE at Chocolate Chocolate And More
I thought you’d like that! How can you go wrong when the title includes the words “no bake”, “brownie batter” and cheesecake”?
I believe second helpings are in order… there were TWO pitch picks after all… 🙂
Now then, onto today’s pitch which comes to us from Tina who says, “I am Tina Shepardson , age 50, completing my 27 th year of teaching . Currently I teach grade 6, most of those years have been in the middle school level . My husband and I have a 13 year old daughter , Payton. Our other children are 2 furry Akitas , a breed we adore. I am working on my next career as it would be a dream co e true to write and visit children and teach in a different way.”
Find her on the web at https://www.facebook.com/tinamshepardson
Here is her pitch:
Working Title: Madeleine’s Crowning Moment
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Madeleine, a dog living in a shelter is looking for a sense of belonging and desire to make a difference. She has always wanted to compete in a pageant and discovers and opportunity to compete . Her experience leads her to learn a great deal about others . Will she achieve her goals and make a difference?
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Tina improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on Would You Read It in the dropdown under For Writers in the bar above. There are openings in October, so you have a little time to polish your pitch before putting it up for helpful feedback and have a chance to have it read by editor Erin Molta!
Tina is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch! And I am looking forward to getting my kitchen sink fixed! The sprayer broke, so every time I turn the water on, the sprayer sprays wildly and no water whatsoever comes out of the faucet. It’s like an April Fool prank every time 🙂 The plumber assures me he can come fix it Saturday (by which point I will probably have soaked every item of clothing I possess by turning the water on with my mind on whatever story I’m writing and forgetting about that sprayer 🙂 )
Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! 🙂
Susanna Leonard Hill 
I would definitely read this, Tina. I can’t resist a good dog story after all. To tighten, you can start by saying, “Shelter dog, Madeline…” I’d really like to know more about the “pageant” that Madeline longs for and how it will make a difference. Is it a dog show? Screening for therapy work? A charity walk? Or something else. A few more details would help the reader commit to the goal as well. Good luck with it.
Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Tina, Genevieve! 🙂
I might read this with some more specifics. Some carefully chosen hints about what it means for her to “make a difference” and what she learns about others (good things? Bad things?) would help us better understand what’s in store for the reader. Just enough details to hook us…. Good luck with your story!
Thank you for your thoughtful comments for Tina, Katie – good questions!
Two words for you, Susanna. Duct tape.
I’m intrigued by the pitch, but not sure what the story is yet. Perhaps combine the first two sentences? Something like Shelter dog, Madeline has always wanted to compete in a pageant. Then tell us why (which should reveal if it is a people pageant or a doggie one, I wasn’t sure!). Good luck!
I believe duct tape and WD-40 are the answers to everything, isn’t that right, Wendy? 🙂 Thanks for your helpful comments for Tina – much appreciated!
I agree with the comment above. I love shelter dog stories and have a rescue Corgi, myself. It’s said that question used in pitches are not likely to snag agents/editors, so rework your final sentence. I like the idea of a dog walk or a beauty pageant to raise money for other dogs as the way to make a difference. Also brainstorm a list of dog words to use in the pitch to give it a bit of oomph and spark. Good luck with this.
Thanks for your very helpful suggestions for Tina, Kathy! I’m chuckling over how many of the people who have commented so far are dog-lovers 🙂
What a busy morning, Susanna! Two pitch picks AND a new one to critique. This may call for third breakfast.
Like my dog-loving friends who already have commented, I would read this story, Tina, but would like more details about the crown in the title & making a difference. Also, most shelter dogs desire a family; how does being in a pageant relate to that desire?
Yeah, I’m pretty sure every day calls for a third breakfast, Patricia 🙂 It IS the most important meal of the day after all… 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Tina!
Hi Tina, Yes, I think I would read this story. I like the idea of dog who really wants to be in a pageant. I can picture amazing illustrations of all the competitors. I am wondering if you can give us a hint about what obstacles she comes up against and where the tension would be, too. Is it the fact that she has to get out of the shelter first? Is it all the other contestants? I agree that we also might want a hint of what she learns as well. Good luck!!
Thanks for your supportive and helpful comments for Tina, Lisa – I know she’ll appreciate them!
Most of my stories are about or involve animals. So I would read this. As mentioned above by others, a little more detail about the pageant, her experiences and goals will make this a winner. =) Good luck!
Thanks so much for chiming in for Tina, Greg – much appreciated!
Yes, I would read this. Dog stories are always a favorite at our house. I felt like “desire to make a difference” was too vague. What does Madeleine really want? I also wondered what kind of contest. (I was picturing something funny like “The Voice” for dogs.) What about something like, “Madeleine dreams of the upcoming ( what kind) pageant. A dream that seems beyond her reach from within the dog shelter that she lives. When the opportunity arises, she leaps at the chance to compete. She must (whatever she does) and finds or learns (sense of belonging, what she does to make a difference.)
Just to give you an idea to format what you have a little differently. Good luck!
Thanks for your very helpful comments and suggestions for Tina, Susan – I know she’ll be grateful!
Maybe, but the pitch needs work. When you think of dogs in a show, I think of a dog show like Westminster, so to say “pageant” throws me off. As the pitch reads now, there’s not enough details for me to “see” the PB in my head. Also, I don’t get a sense of what the takeaway would be for the reader. Again, details.
Thank you for your honest and insightful comments for Tina, PJ, I’m sure she’ll find them helpful!
I love dog stories… but I’m inclined to agree with PJ – I got thrown by “pageant”. I’m thinking “Miss America?” when maybe it should be a dog fashion show or some other kind of show. Having said that – I would read on.
Thanks so much for your comments for Tina, Sue. It’s helpful when a few people react to the same thing – it gives it more weight!
Madeleine, a dog living in a shelter is looking for a sense of belonging and desire to make a difference. She has always wanted to compete in a pageant and discovers and opportunity to compete . Her experience leads her to learn a great deal about others . Will she achieve her goals and make a difference?
Double dessert? Guilty!
I have a soft spot for shelter dogs. Is her belonging, the pageant, her experience connected to her goal of making a difference? Maybe a hint at something more specific can show where you are going with this. A couple details would help clarify. I think the ”belonging” throws me off. Perhaps a hint at the conflict will help. “Madeleine is a shelter dog with a desire to win a pageant that (benefits the shelter?) but…..
Good luck!
Double dessert? Yummy, Keila! Not guilty! 🙂 Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions for Tina 🙂
I am a maybe. We all need to learn from others. I think the following needs to be answered in the pitch:
Madeleine is a shelter Dog who wants more than anything to _____________but can’t because_________ until_________________happens.
Thanks so much for chiming in for Tina, Janet, and for your very helpful suggestions!
My vote has been cast and enjoyed that slice of chocolate heaven. As for today’s pitch, it sounds so heartfelt that I would read it. From reviewing the comments, there’s no more that I would recommend to improve on the pitch.
Thanks so much for voting, Angela, and so glad you enjoyed the cake! I tell you, I could use a piece or three right now as a bedtime snack 🙂 Thanks for your supportive comments for Tina!
WOW, your blog loaded. Mine won’t load now. 😦 Turns out it isn’t your blog. It’s my internet. UGH. So I have been having pity me party. I love that cheesecake as a celebration for my party.
The entire cheesecake.
Hello, Tina, I think I would read it. But I am stumped as to the pageant and where it fits in. Shelter dogs want to be adopted more than anything. We are a rescue family. So I’m not sure I understand. Maybe Madeleine learns to care about others and that is the takeaway PJ was talking about? You say Madeleine learns about others. Did you mean she learns to CARE? I think you could add a little to the pitch. Details, details, details. 🙂
Don’t even get me started about internet, Rob! I can totally sympathize! I have to go down to the library now when there’s anything at all busy I need to do, like schedule the month of classes for MPBM or post my blog. I love living in the boondocks… but I wish it came with reliable lightning fast internet! 🙂 I’m glad the cake helped you out though! Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Tina!
Hi Tina! I might read it, but there are a few things I’m not understanding. Why does the dog live in a shelter, for example? Is that relevant? Perhaps all that matters would be to say that she is a stray. Without knowing the complete story, though, I can only guess. I think it would be helpful to outline your story in a way that highlights the climax, too. What are the stakes? That was the piece that I felt was really missing. Best of luck to you!
Thanks so much for stopping by today and your helpful thoughts and suggestions for Tina, Shannon!
Well, it’s good to be back! And coming back to sooo much!! Wow! It was tough, but I voted.
I’m not sure I would get past the pitch for the dog story. To me, a pageant evokes the word “beauty,” and not in a good way. It gives me the feeling of something passive happening to the person/animal who take part in the pageant and are judged whether they will make the cut by others. Also, the “what’s it about” ideas seem a little muddled to me. The dog wants to make a difference AND wants to belong. But the focus then turns to learning a lot about others before coming back around to achieving those first two goals. I would like to see more specifics about what actually happens (and maybe a name change) for the “pageant.” What actions does the dog take? How does the dog try and fail? What is the dogs definition of “making a difference”? Can you turn “making a difference” into a concrete action? Hope this helps! Cheers!
So good to HAVE you back, Jilanne – we missed you! 🙂 Thanks so much for voting and for your very thoughtful comments for Tina – I know she’ll be very appreciative!
I have nothing to add other than thanks for the opportunity to learn so much through all the comments. Now I’m gonna sneak a snack pack pudding I’ve been hiding for just such an occasion. Living vicariously through chocolate!
Thanks so much for coming by to help Tina, Yvette, and I’m so glad you’re finding it an educational experience (and enjoying the snacks!) 🙂
Oh dear….I am late to the WYRIW party…it is the wee hours of Friday morning already!
But I voted! And enjoyed the lovely chocolate treat you provided, Susanna.
And now for Tina’s pitch…YES, I would definitely read this story…I mean, you’ve got a pooch who wants to compete in a pageant…the illustrations would be really cute.
But I think you need to tell us a bit more in your pitch…using specifics, Tina:There seems to be a lot going on…what is the main thrust of the story? I think Janet gave you a great template to us for your pitch.
There is no such thing as late, Vivian, you are HERE and that’s what matters! Glad you enjoyed the cake, and thank you so much for your very helpful comments and suggestions for Tina!
As soon as I can get myself to a store, I am making that cheese cake! (I’ll actually make it at home.) I don’t have many original thoughts after all of the great comments above, but here goes. When I see ‘shelter dog’ I immediately wonder about her getting out, and there is no indication if this will or will not happen. You use the word ‘compete’ twice in your second sentence, but I think that could be fixed if you combine your first two sentences – that would leave you a little more room to get more specific on the action. This story would be of interest to me. The MC seems super cute.
Thanks so much for your comments for Tina, David, and let me know how that cheesecake comes out!!! 🙂